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“Tell me you’re going,” I say with my teeth next to her ear.

She moans in response, and I rear my hand back, landing another sharp sting against her ass.

“Tell me.”

“I’m going,” she cries.

“That’s my girl.” My hands run the length of her body, trying to memorize every inch. “I love you so much it hurts, Sunny.”

“Show me,” she gasps, and I feel her tears run over my fingers as they graze her lips.

Emotion pours out of every pore in my body as I yank down her bikini bottoms. We shuffle together, our bodies never parting as I pin her against the back of the couch. It only takes one swipe of my zipper before my cock springs free from my pants. I shove her forward, gripping her hip bones and shoving myself inside in one rough thrust.

“Yes!” she cries out, and I wrap her up in my hands again, squeezing my fingers around her throat. Slamming into her again and again, I try to pour every ounce of my love for her into every slam of my cock in her tight little cunt.

“Harder,” she moans, and I nearly break.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper against her shoulder, taking a bite of her precious flesh as I pick up my speed.

“I want you to.” Her voice is strained, and I know it means she’s close. Rearing my hand back again, I land an even harder smack against her ass, rubbing the sensitive skin after I do and driving in even rougher.

She collapses against the back of the couch, and I continue slamming myself home. Just before I feel her pussy muscles clench around me, knowing she’s riding this wave of pleasure, I collapse my body on top of hers, inhaling the scent of her skin, knowing deep down that this is the last time I’ll have her here like this.

The things we’ve admitted, the fears, the doubts, the new knowledge that even our love cannot withstand the pressure we will put it through, will break us. Whether I want to admit it or not, this thing between us is over, and there's nothing I can do to save it.

With that sobering realization, I come hard inside her.

Her body is lying limply over the couch. My poor, beautiful, broken Sunny. Before she can move away or start another fight, I scoop her up gently and carry her to our bed. Her face is streaked with tears, and I don’t bother to clean anything as I crawl in next to her.

“This is a good thing,” I whisper into her hair. “You’re going to be amazing.”

“We could try, Alex…” The way she’s pleading nearly breaks me into pieces.

“I don’t want you worrying about me or about us while you’re there. Clean slate, baby. Go pour your everything into this. Into you. You deserve that much, rain cloud.”

As she looks up into my eyes, for the first time in a long time, I feel older than her. I feel my years and everything they’ve taught me as I try to give all of that wisdom to her. To make her better. To give her what I had lost.

Neither of us says anything as she cries, and I hold her, stroking her back.

I want to tell her how much I love her or that we can make it work, but I know it’s futile. Empty promises and false hope.

CHAPTER 30

SUNNY

I sleep in Alexander’s bed for the last time. I knew things were over before we went to the party, before he walked out with his ex, before we fought. The idea of staying, prolonging the pain of knowing what was coming felt only slightly worse than walking away from him.

Once I had to face the truth—that I wanted that internship more than I wanted anything before, I knew I had to accept losing him.

While he’s out for his jog, I text Valerie, and she agrees to let me stay with her. I can’t go back to the guest room or to my mom’s. I can’t be that close to him, and I don’t want my mom and my sister in my business.

Part of me stayed. A piece of my heart was infused in those paints that covered his wall, and as I took one last look at the mural on my way out, I saw my own transformation there. From the bright rays of the sun that shone down on that girl, I saw the way I’d changed this summer. Opening up to someone for the first time. No longer hiding behind this rain cloud. Giving my heart away and knowing that it was loved in return.

Alexander and I knew it was a risk to jump into this. The higher you jump, the harder you fall, and I took this risk. As I lay in bed that night, I considered staying. I told myself we could try this. I could go to the internship for six months, a long-distance relationship, and we could come out of it stronger, but I knew the paranoia and the guilt would ruin us. It would hurt so much more than this. And by the way he reacted at the party, seeing me be the young, happy girl he wanted me to be…but doing it without him…it broke something in him, and I can’t hold that on my shoulders.

As he walks in from his jog, he doesn’t look at me. He just sees the bags by the door. I expect him to fight, and I keep waiting for him to try and stop me, but he doesn’t.

“Where are you going to stay?” he asks.