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That also might explain the exhaustion. But none of this is new for him. When he played for the Frost, every free day became a drive to Kimball Falls because Ryan never treated distance as a reason to give me less. The difference is that I finally understand his time belongs to him before it belongs to me.
Twice this month, he called and told me he couldn’t come because Briggs needed him. The first time, I heard the expectation of an argument in the silence following his explanation.
I told him I understood and would see him when I saw him.
He called me back ten minutes later to ask whether I was angry.
I wasn’t.
Briggs needing Ryan didn’t mean Ryan had stopped choosing me.
Now Ryan has four days before his next game, everyone has returned to Kimball Falls for Christmas, and he is sitting on my bed for the first time while snow collects along the windows above downtown.
His fingers move beneath the hem of my sweater. “You’ve been thinking loudly for the last five minutes.”
“I have something to tell you.”
His hand stills against my waist. “That sentence has never brought me peace.”
“It isn’t bad.”
“Your definition of bad remains unreliable.”
“I spoke to Bliss, Aura, and Cade.”
Ryan studies my face. “When?”
“Bliss two weeks ago. Aura three days later. Cade yesterday.”
“You already did it.”
“Yes.”
“You also told me you would let me know how the first two went.”
“I’m letting you know now.”
“That isn’t what we agreed.”
“I promised communication. I didn’t promise to call you from the parking lot while every emotion was still loud enough to make me reach for reassurance instead of understanding what they said.”
His expression shifts at the distinction.
“You did all three alone,” he says.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because apologizing to them was my responsibility. I needed to hear whatever they gave me without watching your face or waiting for you to decide when I had endured enough.”
Ryan’s jaw tightens slightly, but he nods. “Tell me.”
“I spoke to Bliss first.”
“How did it go?”
“She told me Luke was responsible for what Luke did. She also told me I should’ve risked her hating me and gone to Knox when she showed us the bruise.”
