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Only the Beginning

Page 63

by Susan Mallery

Heather hadn’t been willing to admit that to Jim last night, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit it to Flo now. But there didn’t seem to be any point in avoiding the obvious. “Yes, it’s more. I love him as a friend, but I also love him romantically. I want to be with him, always.”

“We’re talking marriage?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. I guess.”

Flo grinned. “I’m so happy for you.” Then her smile faded. “The problem is, he won’t believe you love him because never once in his life has anyone tried to fight for him. When things got tough, everyone walked away.”

Heather knew that Flo was talking about romantic relationships that she’d observed in the past, but she, Heather, knew a greater truth—about what had happened with Jim’s mother and with his high school girlfriend. Flo’s words were more true than she realized. No one had fought for him, or loved him enough. Not once. If she was right and he believed that failure was death, it was no wonder that he was running from her and any feelings he might have for her.

“You’ll have to be the one to make him see the light,” Flo continued. “You’re going to have to stand up to him.”

“I know you’re right, but how?” Heather picked up the letter. “He wants me out of his life.”

“Does he? Or is he just afraid to believe what you told him?”

Heather didn’t have an answer to that.

“Do you really want him?” Flo asked.

Heather stared at her friend and smiled. She brushed the last of her tears from her cheeks. “Oh, yes. I do. I love him. He’s kind and honorable. He does the right thing even when it’s not the easy thing. He’s a good father figure for Diane. He adores her. I suspect he loves her even if he won’t admit it. He’s smart, he’s stubborn and he can be really annoying at times, but that’s okay because I can be, too. It’s not that I think I may not find anyone better, it’s that I’m not interested in anyone else. Jim is my match, my soul mate, and I never thought I’d say that again.”

“So what are you going to do?”

There was only one answer. “Fight for him.”

Flo touched the note. “You can start by telling him you’re not leaving.”

She hadn’t thought about refusing to take the other job, but as soon as Flo said it, the advice made perfect sense. Jim wasn’t firing her—and she knew he wouldn’t. He was simply offering her a different place of employment. She could just as easily turn down his offer.

She wrote “Thanks but no thanks” across the bottom of his letter, then placed it in the center of his desk. When she returned to her seat, she looked at Flo. “Now what?”

“Now you wait.”

* * *

Easier said than done, Heather thought nearly a week later. No doubt about it, Jim was avoiding her again. She hadn’t been in the office when he returned and read her reply to his note. But when she’d next seen him, he hadn’t mentioned it. Instead, he’d greeted her politely, as if she were a delivery person, and quickly left. They’d been playing the same game for six days. A noncommittal greeting, polite chitchat and nothing else. He hadn’t called, hadn’t come over and certainly hadn’t in any way acknowledged that they had once been close friends and lovers.

Heather held her sleepy daughter and moved back and forth in the rocking chair in the tiny nursery at work. The relaxing motion helped her think while having the added benefit of making Diane drowsy.

“What do you think, sweet cheeks?” she asked softly. “Is Uncle Jim making you as crazy as he’s making me?”

The man should be shot. If stubbornness and an inability to see what was right in front of his nose were a crime, he would be in for life. She knew he cared a lot. Not just about her but about her daughter. She knew that he had to miss them as much as they missed him. The irony was, of course, that if she had a big crisis in her life, he would be at her side in a hot minute. But as long as he thought she was strong and self-sufficient, he would avoid her.

So she waited. For him to figure out the truth. For him to start to believe that she really loved him. But would he ever be willing to trust her? He felt the two most important women in his life had failed him and was convinced he’d let them down, too.

“I’m afraid he won’t give me a try,” Heather whispered. “I’m afraid we’re going to miss out on what could have been very wonderful.”

She’d already thought of and discarded a dozen plans, outlined twice that many conversations, all in the name of persuading him to see how great they could be together. But she couldn’t force him. He knew her as well as anyone ever had. She’d told him she loved him. Either he would believe her or he wouldn’t.

So for now, she waited. Waited and prayed and hoped and loved one very difficult, stubborn, wonderful man.

* * *

Jim stared at the quarterly report in front of him, but it didn’t make any sense. He supposed part of the reason was that he hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours a night in the past two weeks. He wasn’t eating, either. He couldn’t do anything but avoid Heather.

He wasn’t even doing that very well. Because not seeing her, but spending all his time thinking about her and missing her, was just as bad as being with her. Except if he only thought about her, he was tempted to touch her or hold her. And if he held her, he might have to ask her if she’d meant what she said when she told him she loved him.

Love. He couldn’t understand how she’d just said the word. As if it was easy. It couldn’t be easy. It was too powerful and potentially dangerous. So he’d had to let her go because letting go was the only thing that made sense. The only other alternative was to marry her and he could never do that.