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‘Did Granddad go to heaven?’

‘Of course he did.’ Evelyn tried to keep a smile on her face, though she could feel it starting to quiver.

‘Will I go to heaven?’

‘One hundred, million percent,’ Evelyn told her fiercely.

‘How do you know?’ The innocence with which Summer asked the question broke what was left of Evelyn’s heart into even more pieces.

‘Because all good little girls go to heaven, and you’re one of the best.’

‘At least Granddad will be there to look after me. Do you think he’ll remember me?’

‘I think he’ll be waiting to give you the biggest hug ever.’ Evelyn snuggled Summer’s blankets more cosily around her, and carefully patted a section flat for Tilly, who watched patiently from her basket in the corner of the room.

‘Ready for your night night poem?’

‘One more question?’ Summer begged.

As if Evelyn could refuse her anything now. ‘Of course.’

‘Does dying hurt?’

Oh God, please give me strength. Evelyn bit the inside of her lip so hard that she tasted blood. She’d had to answer a lot of difficult questions in the days since her visit to the hospital, but this was one of the worst. ‘I will make sure it doesn’t. I promise you that.’

Summer nodded, reassured. ‘Poem now please.’

‘OK, sweetheart.’ Evelyn patted the bed, needing to buy herself some time to find some level of control. ‘Tilly, come on. Up!’

‘All I need to do right now is snuggle in my bed …’ Summer prompted her.

‘And rest your sleepy head, and close your sleepy eyes …’

‘And chase dreams across the skies.’ Summer grinned. ‘Night night, Mum.’

‘Night night, Summer. Night night, Tilly.’

Evelyn made it halfway down the stairs before she was blinded by tears and her knees folded under her. She sat, in the middle of the staircase, rocking back and forth while biting into her own wrist to make sure the sobs didn’t escape and upset Summer. Or her mum.

‘Come here, my love.’ Linda had opened the living room door silently, and was standing in the hall, her arms held open.

Evelyn fell into them, sobbing silently against her mother’s shoulder.

‘I know, love, I know.’ She soothed her in whispers, and gently led her back into the living room.

‘I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this,’ Evelyn admitted, when the latest bout of tears subsided. She winced as she dried her eyes – she’d cried so much over the last few days that the skin around her eyes was red raw, and her nose seemed to be constantly blocked. Her throat hurt, and her heart ached, and it was only going to get worse. She realised now that in a few months she would look back on these awful days with longing, because at least she was still a mother. In a few months’ time she would be … she didn’t even know what she would be. Probably dead too, because she had no idea how she would keep breathing after she lost her baby.

‘We’ll find the strength somehow, between us,’ Linda promised. ‘We have to.’

‘I know I have to.’ Evelyn rested her head against her mum’s shoulder. ‘I just don’t know how.’

‘I know you’re not going to want to think about this, but have you managed to get hold of Charlie yet?’

‘No.’ Evelyn rolled her eyes. ‘The bastard’s changed his number. None of his social media accounts are active, and his emails are bouncing back. As far as I’m concerned, he’s dropped off the face of the planet.’

‘What about his work?’

Evelyn shook her head. ‘I’ve left messages. I’ve tried everything I can think of. We might not be together any more, but he still needs to know what’s going on. And have a chance to see Summer.’