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“You fouled off some tough pitches. You’ll get him next time.” I nodded and kept moving. His reassurance wasn’t unwelcome, but my head wasn’t in the right place. My at bat hadn’t been terrible against a pitcher like this, but I could do better. Major league pitching was a lot different from Triple-A. I hoped Jane wasn’t watching the game. I didn’t want her to see any of us playing like this.

Julio was up after me and managed to hit a single to left. With a runner on base, excitement grew in our dugout. With our first baseman at the plate, Julio took off on the first pitch, easily stealing second base. Maybe we were getting a little momentum going. We needed something to rally behind. Working with Julio to help build this team was going to be hard, and anything positive was something we could work with.

The batter hit a long fly ball to center field, deep enough for Julio to tag and move to third.

Raine was up next and popped a bloop single into right field, his first big-league hit. Julio came in to score. He walked through the dugout, getting high fives and fist bumps from everyone. We were still down by three, but we were on the board. I made sure to get the ball to be authenticated for Raine. You always wanted to keep the ball from your first hit. Mine was still sitting on a shelf at my dad’s place for him to show it off to his friends.

The bottom of the second brought two more runs for Atlanta, in the form of another walk followed by a home run. By the end of the third, Atlanta was up seven to one, and the mood in our dugout was bleak.

I was up again in the top of the fourth and managed to square up a fastball, sending it to deep center field. It hit the warning track and bounced out of play—a ground rule double. I stopped at second, happy to have my first hit since my return. I took a short lead toward third, bouncing on the balls of my feet. With Julio up, I was ready to run if he made contact. I rubbed my palms on my thighs, feeling the scar tissue and reminding myself how far I’d come. I was here, back in the bigs.

Julio managed to get another base hit, and I slid across the plate to beat the throw from the center fielder. I popped to my feet and jogged for the dugout, accepting the same celebration that Julio had received when he scored.

Unfortunately, the batter after Julio grounded into a double play, ending the inning with us still down by five.

We didn’t score again for the rest of the game, and by the eighth inning we were down eleven to two. Scooter elected to save our bullpen by putting a position player on the mound, and our backup catcher, Jake Hayes, jogged out to the mound to pitch.

Bennie was sitting beside me in the dugout after pitching a scoreless seventh inning. He nodded at Jake. “I hate it when this happens. I know it saves bullpen arms for another game, but it’s like raising a white flag. And it’s not fair to whoever has to pitch.”

“It’s in the rules. Even though it’s statistically possible for us to come back, but we both know the odds. Let’s get through tonight, put it behind us, and come back out tomorrow to try again.” I didn’t like quitting, which was basically what we were doing when we put Jake on the mound, but the season was long. We still had time to come together and maybe finish with a winning record.

Jake gave up four more runs, and in the end, we lost fifteen to two. It sucked, but I’d been part of games this bad before, and as long as I stayed in baseball, I would be again. Some nights, nothing went right.

The postgame media scrum was horrible, and I had to make an effort, because a lot of them wanted to talk about my return to pro ball. All I wanted was to talk to Jane. She hadn’t reached out yet. It had only been two days, but God, I wanted to commiserate with her. I wanted to talk to her, get her to realize that we could have a future. I wanted her to admit she loved me. I was sure she did, but she couldn’t see a way for us to be together, so she wouldn’t admit it.

I escaped the media as soon as I could, and returned to the team hotel. What was I even doing? Playing for an expansion team that had cut half their players and had no hope of making the playoffs, when all I wanted was to win the ultimate prize. After tonight, that dream looked farther away than ever.

I pulled out my phone. I wanted Jane to know I was thinking about her.

I miss you.

Chapter 39

Carter

I drummed my fingers against the arm of my chair in the lobby, waiting impatiently. My dad was here in Washington, and we were supposed to get lunch before tonight’s game. He’d flown in this morning and would stay until the series ended and we left for Vancouver on Monday. He’d messaged me when he landed, and we were getting lunch as soon as he arrived at the hotel. I didn’t have to be at the field until midafternoon, so we had time to catch up. It would be good to see him, because I hadn’t seen him since I flew back to Ontario for Christmas.

I was antsy about the game. We needed to win this series. Six games after the team shake-up, and we were trying to turn a corner. The Atlanta games had been horrific. They swept us, outscoring us by double digits in two of the three games. When your team puts a position player on the mound to pitch two nights in a row, you know things are bad.

Not that anyone was surprised. We hadn’t had any time together that wasn’t in-game. Guys were still learning each other’s strengths, and misjudging throws and locations. By game three we’d managed to play errorless ball, and Atlanta had only beaten us by three.

After Atlanta had been three games against Philadelphia. We had gone into those games without much hope. Philly had the best record in the league. I was proud of the guys. Yes, we’d lost two out of three, but we had eked out one win, with a rookie pitcher getting his first save after we scored two in the top of the ninth inning to take a one run lead.

Now we were in Washington. There were other teams with worse records, including us, but Washington was struggling. I thought we had good odds of taking at least two out of three here. The team was starting to gel. After Vancouver had cleaned house, the club was full of rookies, with only a few players like me, Julio, and Bennie to provide guidance and advice.

Making it tougher was the fact Jane hadn’t returned my text, hadn’t reached out at all. It had been nearly two weeks, and I missed her more than I thought possible. It tore me up that we had ended it the way we did. I felt like somehow it was my fault, even though this was the agreement we’d had. I wanted her back.

The problem was, how could I get her back and still play ball? I would never ask her to give up her bakery and leave Red Rock. Unless I played Triple A ball for the rest of my career, that wouldn’t work.

Julio had gotten lucky, being able to get a trade to the city where Anna lived. I hadn’t even had time to find a place to live; when we got back from this road trip I’d still be living in a hotel for a while. That was no way to live. The odds of me playing for Vancouver next year were still unknown. I might wind up anywhere. I had to find a solution.

I looked up as the doors opened, and my father walked in. I stood and greeted him with a hug. “Dad. It’s great to see you.”

He stepped back and looked me up and down. His scrutiny might have made me uncomfortable, but it was only because he loved me, and after my accident he’d worried about me returning to ball. “You’re looking good.”

“Thanks. I feel pretty good. About as good as I ever will, I think.” I took his suitcase from him and handed it to the valet. “I’ve taken care of everything, you’re all checked in. Your suitcase will be waiting for you in your room.”

I handed him his key card, using the time to study him the way he had me. His hair was the same sandy blond as mine, just with a few wisps of silver at his temples. Except for being shorter, looking at him was like looking in a mirror. Age had given him a few more creases around his eyes. There was something different about him, something that hadn’t been there when I saw him at Christmas.