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“He was checked out of our marriage for a long time. I ignored it. I thought we’d get past the hardship and our lives would eventually just—” I pause, observing him to make sure I’m not saying too much.

He sits still, with a straight face listening, so I continue, “I kept hoping our lives would collide together. But I liked to spend time with him and he liked to be out. He said I was too emotional when I’d beg him to stay home with me. It wasn’t working for either of us.”

“How long ago did you split?” he asks, calm and collected.

I thought he’d be more, I don’t know—surprised? Everyone else seemed to be in shock over it.

“About ten months ago.”

“Well, no offense, but it sounds like you’re better off,” he says gently, as embers fly past his face.

That stings a bit coming from him.

But now, he’s starting to smile.

I never want to open up to anyone about Graham, but Sean has that thing about him where you just want to vent to him. You can trust him with your thoughts.

“Yeah, I guess,” I say. "I sold my house two weeks ago and most of my things. I loaded up my car with what I kept. I didn’t have anything specific in mind. I just didn’t want to completely start over again. But now that I’m back, I sort of feel like a teenager again—back at my dad’s house.”

The smoke blows straight into my face, blinding me. I scoot my chair over, trying to move out of the winds direction, which happens to be closer to Sean.

“Hold on to sixteen as long as you can,” Sean says, now gazing into the fire. “Jack and Diane, John Mellencamp song.”

“If only we could go back in time. It was so much easier then.”

He looks at me again, his face entirely unreadable. It’s frustrating.

“What would you change? If you could go back,” he asks intently.

That’s a loaded question with too many answers. It’s something that’s been on my mind since the first moment I saw his face again. If I could go back and talk to myself at eighteen, I’d tell her that nothing matters as much as you think it does. Just wait for him. It’s not as big of a deal as you think it is. Every choice seems so drastic at eighteen.

“I would change a lot,” I say, slowly tearing my eyes away from him.

“Hmm,” he mumbles lightly.

He wants more from me, but I don’t think reliving the past will do us any good. I know I hurt him and he knows it too. He doesn’t need a reminder.

But here he is, giving me a second chance at being his friend. He deserves to know the truth.

“I would change how everything went down between us. I was just a scared teenager,” I admit.

He cocks his head to the side. His eyes shining from the reflection of the fire. “But I would have done anything for you, Billie.”

This time, I can read every crevice in his face—reflecting pure hurt.

“What do you mean?” I ask, fear knotting inside of me.

“You are the only person I have ever loved. I held out hope for you. Now it’s been 10 years,” he stutters, digging his heels into the gravel and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Are you telling me—that you haven’t loved anyone else?” I quickly shut my mouth, realizing it was hanging down to the ground.

I hate that I’m proud of it. Sean waited ten years for me. He waited, just as he said he would.

“No.” He pauses, his eyes clinging to mine. “I haven’t loved anyone else.”

“Do you…” I begin, pausing nervously, looking down at my hands. “Still?” I mutter, raising my eyebrows curiously.

“No,” he finally says, his face dead pan.