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I stare at her.

Of course I want to be more. It’s Sean. We’re finally in the same place and staying put. I just don’t want to mess it up. We only have one shot at this again. It’s rare to have a second chance with someone.

“Can I be honest with you?” I ask, needing to confide in her.

“Always.”

“The feelings I have for Sean are different than they were for Graham. They’re stronger in a way that I don’t really know how to describe. Even back in high school, Sean meant so much to me. Now we’re together ten years later, but we aren’t even together. It’s all so complicated.”

Mabel places her wine down on the floor, her eyes straining from concentration.

“What’s so complicated? What’s stopping you?”

“I’m scared. We’ve been down this road before, and it didn’t end well. I feel guilty.”

“Billie, you and Graham have been separated for almost a year now. I love my son, I do—” She pauses and laughs, “but he can be really stupid sometimes. He didn’t realize how amazing you are. That’s on him.” She dramatically points toward the conjoining door, with Sean just on the other side.

“But him. He knows what he wants. I could tell the moment I saw him staring at you when I stepped into that restaurant.”

“I almost told him before you walked in tonight. Maybe that was a sign I shouldn’t, because of the past—”

“What about it?” she interrupts. “The past is called the past for a reason. It doesn’t matter what happened, because you guys are here now and you’re older. You’re wiser.”

“I hurt him, Mabel,” I say, trying to keep the raw emotion in check.

“Billie, what you’re not changing, you’re choosing. You get to decide how this ends. If you feel something for him, don’t let fear stop you.”

13

Present Day

The sound of people rumbling in the streets wakes me. I’ve gotten used to the quiet again. I’m surprised I didn’t wake in the middle of the night from the honking and hollering outside of my window. I’m in the city that never sleeps, but I sure did. I feel light and refreshed, stretching and relaxing into the fluffy hotel pillows.

After getting dressed and making a crappy cup of coffee with the mini creamers that I’m pretty sure don’t even contain any cream, I make sure my hair is obeying me. The cold air makes it fluffy, and I look like a poodle when it doesn’t want to stay down. Sean has seen me in my pajamas and messy buns, but now things are changing and I can’t have him see me in disarray.

I leave my room and stand in front of his door and knock.

As he opens it, his face nearly takes me to my knees. His big smile makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

“Ready to see more of New York?” I ask cheerfully. “We’re here at the best time of the year. We’re starting at Rockefeller Center and going ice skating.”

I can’t contain my excitement as I squeal like a teenage girl. Sean clearly loves my reaction, he’s laughing so hard his head is thrown backward.

We opt for the subway this time, Sean overtly objecting to another taxi ride. The stench of entering the terminal sends me back to the first time Maggie and I took the subway. We had no idea what we were doing and it all seemed so exciting. I can see Sean feels the same way about it, all giddy.

It’s crowded at the ice rink once we arrive, filled with children and parents laughing—couples kissing and taking photos. It’s jam-packed this time of year.

Maggie’s texts keep buzzing through my jacket pocket, asking how our night was with Mabel. It was supposed to be two days of showing Sean around New York before her party, but last night was of course high-jacked.

“You can’t be mad at me, it’s my birthday!” she’d texted this morning.

Oh, yeah? Want to bet? I thought.

We manage to hit Times Square, Madame Tussaud’s, and a matinée show of Annie on Broadway after a disastrous time at the ice rink. Too many falls on my part and too much laughter on Sean’s.

It’s ten past seven o’clock and we’re already an hour late. The elevator stops on the fifteenth floor and Sean and I step out, conjoined at the hip.

Maggie made it a black-tie event this year, so I bought a new dress in Times Square today: a sage green slip dress with matching heels. Sean picked it out, saying it matched our eyes. I was leaning toward Rachel Green, but that worked too.