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I pushed him down, causing him to fall on the ground.

“Solo, let’s go!” Messiah called out to me. As much as it killed me, I knew I needed to leave before shit got ugly. I turned to walk away, but was halted when Cello grabbed me from behind and attempted to tackle me. A new surge of anger sparked in me as I drew back and punched him in the face. I could have stopped there, but I lost all control when I thought about the way he had attacked my sister.

Before I knew it, I had blacked out and beat the shit out of him until he went unconscious. Messiah tried to pull me off of him, but it took him a while to calm me down. When we heard the sound of the siren, it was too late to turn back. The cops stepped out of their cruisers, took one look at Cello, battered and unconscious, and put the cuffs on me.

The sound of Honesty’s screams snapped me back into reality and instantly made me feel like shit. I should have walked away, but it was what it was. Nobody was ever gonna put their hands on my family and get away with it.

THIRTY

honesty graham

“Nes, you need to eat, baby. You’re gonna wither away to nothing if you don’t start eating. Your clothes are already starting to fall off of you. My brother ain’t gonna want you if he comes home and you’re looking like a crackhead.” Yaya taunted me on the other side of the door.

I didn’t want to laugh, but she and Messiah had a way of making you smile even when you were stressed out. Reluctantly, I lifted the covers from my head and sat up in bed as she walked in with a tray of food. She and Messiah treated me like a hospital patient as they constantly brought me food and watched me like a hawk. I was sad, but I wasn’t suicidal.

“You are annoying,” I fussed.

“I’ll be annoying all day long as long as your ass is eating and washing your ass. Speaking of which, you need to hit those danger spots after breakfast. Funky and fine do not go together.” Yaya pinched her nose as if there was a horrible smell in the air.

“Bitch, don’t play with me. I’ve been going through it,” I whined.

I couldn’t even get upset because I let myself go over the last few weeks. When Solomon got arrested, we thought he would be out within a couple of days, but the judge had other plans. His celebrity status made them want to make an example of him, and they refused to let him be released on bail. He had been charged with aggravated assault, but due to the fact that Cello was still in a coma, they were trying to upgrade the charge to attempted murder.

My stomach had been sick since they put those cuffs on him, and it still hasn’t recovered. Solomon remained in good spirits, but I could barely sleep at night. The idea of them locking him up for years just didn’t settle right in my spirit. On top of that, his label had made a statement to let the public know they did not condone violence and that they had made the decision to cut ties with him.

He didn’t seem to be concerned about what was going on, but I was going crazy with worry. On top of everything else, I had been holding something in for a while, and I could no longer ignore it.

As soon as I caught a whiff of scrambled eggs, my stomach twisted, and I bolted to the bathroom. The moment I saw the toilet bowl, my mouth watered, and I released all of the contents of my stomach. Once there was nothing left, I continued to dry heave as tears filled my eyes. This has been going on for two weeks, but I had noticed the changes in my body a while ago.

At first, I thought it was stress after the video incident, but it had been months, and I was no longer living in denial. I was on birth control, so none of it made sense. My doctor told me to expect weight gain and for my period to become irregular until it went away altogether, so when I noticed those symptoms, I didn’t think anything of it.

Then reality hit me when I ate a chicken sandwich from Fat Daddy’s and threw it up an hour later. At first, I thought it might have been food poisoning, but the nausea only lasted for a few hours during the day. I wasn’t sure how far along I was, but the tiny line on my belly told me everything I needed to know.

“My cooking may not be on Mama E’s level, but I have never made a mothafucka throw up before. Is there something you want to tell me, heffa?” Yaya stood in the doorway, sitting there hugging the toilet bowl.

When I lifted my head to face her, all I could do was cry. I swear it felt like the universe had a vendetta against me. My man was locked out, and it was a possibility that I was carrying a baby he wouldn’t get the chance to meet beyond a glass window. The weight of it all caused me to break down.

Yaya ran to me and pulled me into her arms while I sobbed. It seemed like that was all I was good for. I cried every single day and prayed things would be different.

“I’m not gonna tell you not to cry because you’re dealing with some serious shit. What I will say is that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. My brother doesn’t like weak bitches, and he loves your dirty draws, so that tells me everything I need to know. Right now, you’re gonna have to put on your big girl panties and hold it down for you and your man. There’s no reason for you to stress because at the end of the day, you’re not alone. We’ve got both of you, regardless of what happens.”

“Yaya, what if they really upgrade his charges? He could be looking at fifteen to twenty years. How is that fair?”

I stared into space as I envisioned what our life would look like if Solomon was convicted and sentenced.

“Let’s not focus on the ‘what ifs’ and deal with what we know. Solomon has the best lawyers money can buy. It may seem bleak right now, but I have faith everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Malea pressed charges against Cello, and he’ll be arrested as soon as his pussy ass wakes up. That will only make Solomon’s case stronger because he was trying to get Malea away from her abuser.”

“How do you do it?” I asked her.

“Do what?”

“Hold it together while everything is falling apart. You’re pregnant, your brother is facing prison time, and your sister has to get plastic surgery to repair the damage done to her face. You should be just as stressed as I am.”

I admired the way Yaya walked around full of positivity and optimism, but I seemed to lack both of those things at the moment.

“I wasn’t always like this. Hell, I still don’t have it all figured out, but I refuse to let life get the best of me. Regardless of the odds, I have to believe everything happens for a reason. My siblings and I have been through so much shit in life, and every time we’ve been hit with something, we’ve come out stronger than ever. My brother has come too far in life for me to believe his future won’t continue to be great. And even if favor isn’t on his side for some reason, I’m gonna be there every step of the way. He won’t do his bid alone, because I’m gonna walk that shit down right along with him.

It might seem like I’m unbothered, but my faith is what holds me together. Plus, your brother is my rock, and he always has been. I have the strength to lift you up because my man keeps me lifted, physically and spiritually. Messiah might be a clown, but he’s the realest man I’ve ever met. Every morning, he gets up with me and prays. When he’s on the road, he keeps that same energy and sets up his phone to video-chat me for prayer. People think I’m crazy behind my man, but they don’t even know the half of it. I’ll cut a bitch’s kneecaps off for fucking with what’s mine. I’m never coming up off my husband, and I mean ever.”