Page 15

After he connected his phone, he set it on the counter, then turned on the water. I set my nightclothes on the sink before undressing. My buzz was long gone, and a part of me wished I had some wine or something to drink. Unbeknownst to my family, I had been drinking almost daily. It was the only way to help me sleep without nightmares. It probably played a role in why I was struggling in school, but I refused to think about it. It numbed the pain, and that was what mattered most.

As soon as I stepped in the shower, my body shivered. Rondell stood directly in front of the water, leaving me to get splashed by residual droplets bouncing off his body. It annoyed me to no end, but I tried not to; I wasn’t in the mood to go back and forth about anything else.

At some point, he moved and allowed me access to the water, but his quietness struck me as odd. Rondell was very self-absorbed, so we usually spent most of our bonding time discussing his future and all the money he planned to make when he went pro. I would check out of the conversation and check back in without him even noticing. If no one else loved Rondell, he damn sure loved himself more than anything.

I couldn’t shake the feeling something bad was about to happen, and his demeanor only increased my anxiety. We washed up in silence as music filled the room and steam from the shower fogged the mirrors. Rondell loved trap music, and in my opinion, nothing beat Jhene Aiko and Tink. My attention was so focused on rinsing my washcloth that I hadn’t noticed Rondell lunge for me until it was too late.

“You must take me for some kind of joke, huh bitch?”

Spit flew in my face as my soap-covered body was pressed against the shower wall, with his forearm pressed against my neck. Panic overwhelmed me as my airways became more and more restricted.

My feet were dangling as I dug my arms into his skin to try and break free. Rondell’s eyes were dark and sinister, as if he was fully prepared to end my life right there in the bathroom.

“I’m sick and tired of you playing with me. I told you to stop talking to his bitch ass, but you choose to defy me. Got this fool telling you he loves you. What the fuck is that about? Huh? Are you fucking him behind my back, bitch?”

I didn’t know how Rondell could continue asking me questions as I fought to keep from passing out. Snot dripped down my lip, mixing with my tears, and I wondered if this would be my last night on Earth.

“Answer me, you stupid bitch!” He hissed, snatching his arm back as my body dropped to the floor of the tub.

I coughed and gasped for air while he stood over me. For a moment, I thought the worst was over, but I couldn’t have been more wrong as Rondell began punching and kicking me all over my body. The impact hurt worse because my skin was wet.

“And you better not fucking scream, or I’ll make it worse,” he threatened. I couldn’t see how it could get any worse. I sobbed silently as my body curled into a fetal position while water rained over us. I couldn’t recall how long the beating lasted, but my ears were filled with water, and my fingertips were wrinkly.

“Get on your knees,” Rondell demanded.

I took too long to move, so he snatched me up, causing me to wince in pain. As I sat on my knees in front of him, I watched as he stroked his hard-on. There was something sick about a man who could get turned on from beating up a woman. The disgust I felt for him had reached a level I never thought possible.

“There are hundreds of bitches who would love to be in your position, but it seems like you don’t understand how good you’ve got it. In a couple of years, when you’re breastfeeding our baby while we’re on our private jet, you’ll realize the sacrifices you made were worth it.

“All I need you to do is listen, and I wouldn’t have to discipline you so much. Do you think I like hurting you? Huh?”

My true thoughts rested on the tip of my tongue as pain radiated throughout my body. I thought he was about to force me to suck his dick, but what he did next was even more degrading.

“Don’t you fucking move,” Rondell commanded.

I dropped my head in shame and defeat as I felt hot urine spray onto my face and hair. To be pissed on had to be one of the highest forms of disrespect. I couldn’t even put into words how low I felt as he released on me. My tears were uncontrolled as the stench of urine became overwhelming. I completely broke down as my body shook from my deep sobbing. I had been through a lot of things in life, but I knew in that moment I would never be the same.

* * *

I winced as I lifted my shirt over my head. My eyes watered as I looked at the fresh bruises covering my body in the bathroom mirror. Of course, Rondell spent the rest of the night apologizing with empty promises to never hurt me again. It was the same old song and dance I had grown used to.

After we finished in the bathroom and came back to my room, I found out the root of his anger. Solomon messaged me to tell me he loved me. It wasn’t something out of the norm for us, but it triggered Rondell’s hot temper.

I thought Rondell would have some guilt or remorse for what he did in the bathroom, but instead he went on a rant about how I was trying to play him for a fool and that Solomon and I had to have something going on. I didn’t even bother to argue with him because it wouldn’t get me anywhere. No matter how many times I explained our friendship, he refused to believe a man and a woman could be platonic friends.

I cried silently as he paced the floor while talking to himself. Eventually, he calmed down and started apologizing while blaming me for his actions. Exhaustion wasn’t even the right word for how I felt. There was no way I could continue to be in a relationship with him and endure his abuse. It seemed as if it got worse and worse, and last night had broken something deep inside of me.

We eventually went to bed, but I barely slept a wink. At some point, Rondell got on top of me and fucked me while I lay there as stiff as a board. He tried to get me to participate, but I had nothing to offer him except my silent tears. Eventually, he came inside of me. He had been doing it a lot lately, no matter how much I protested. The only saving grace was the birth control I was on. It was a secret; I had no plans to expose it, but it gave me a little peace of mind because a baby would be the most devastating thing that could happen to me. Rondell was already under the impression that I was stuck with him, and a kid would only heighten his obsession with possessing me.

My family would probably kill me for getting pregnant so young because it was one of the things I promised I wouldn’t do. It was bad enough that I was keeping all of these secrets from them; I couldn’t disappoint them by not at least protecting myself.

The thought of my family reminded me of my big brother Messiah’s warning the other day. They had been trying to get me on a video call for weeks, but I kept finding every excuse not to join. I knew I couldn’t continue to hide and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t, but I was so disappointed in myself because I knew better than to allow someone to abuse me this way. Somehow I had lost myself in my relationship and become someone I no longer recognized.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and removed the rest of my clothes. Rondell had practice, so he left earlier after crying and begging me not to leave him. I pretended everything was okay, but I really wanted to tell him to go to hell. Part of me wanted to tell my sisters what was going on, but I knew if I did, they wouldn’t hesitate to involve my brothers.

Our family was close, and there was no such thing as a secret when it involved our safety or well-being. That's why I kept the details of my relationship private: I couldn’t risk them telling anyone. I thought about reaching out to my sister, Peace, but I was still on the fence. She had recently joined our family after it was discovered that my late father had cheated on my momma years ago.

It took some time for our family to adjust to the news, but Peace and my niece, Promise, were a blessing I never knew I needed. I loved that little girl with my whole heart, and she melted my heart every time I talked to her little self on FaceTime.