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I was only nine years old, but I was old enough to know she wasn’t supposed to be smoking weed in our momma’s house. I heard the two of them fussing plenty of times about it, but it seemed like she didn’t care. I wasn’t the type to tell, so I acted like I didn’t see anything.

“Come here, Monkey.”

I hated the nickname her and my momma gave me, but I never dared to challenge them. Brenesha claimed it was because I loved climbing on things, but I wasn’t sure that was the only reason. She and my mother were both lighter-complexioned, and they often teased me for being dark-skinned like my father. Whoever he was.

I got up from the floor and ambled my way over to her. Goosebumps covered my arms because I had no idea what she wanted. Brenesha could be unpredictable at times. One moment, she was nice and funny; the next, she was mean and violent. I could never tell which one I was getting. Even at nine, I knew to stay on high alert and ready for anything.

“Why are you acting all scary? Bring your ass over here.” Brenesha hissed, snatching me up by my arm. I winced in pain, but I didn’t make a sound because my momma said boys weren’t supposed to cry.

Nesha sat me on the couch next to her, but she stayed quiet as she smoked her blunt. It smelled funny, but not in a bad way. Weed smelled a lot better than the cigarettes momma smoked.

“Here, try this.” My granny always said Brenesha was too young to smoke, but Meesha never cared what any of us did.

My face twisted as she handed me the brown stick-looking object. I knew what she used it for, but I had never touched one before. I looked up at her to make sure it wasn’t some trick.

“All you have to do is put it in your mouth and breathe in deep.”

She held it to my lips, and I followed her instructions as best as I could.

The initial burn in my throat caught me off guard, but I kept going as she cheered me on. Brenesha rarely said nice things to me, and a part of me wanted her approval. After a while, the burn died down, and a weird calmness took over.

“Just let it take over. It feels nice, right?” The look in her eyes confused me, but I decided not to question it because it was rare that she treated me with kindness.

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” She asked.

I inhaled the smoke like I had seen them do a thousand times. The burn in my throat caught me off guard, and I began to cough uncontrollably. My eyes widened as I looked to Nesha for help. She told me it was normal and I just had to get over it.

The burning sensation in my chest made me feel like something was wrong with me, but she continued to talk me through it. She grabbed my hand, and showed me the correct way to hold the blunt and instructed me to take another pull.

After ten minutes, my body began to relax, and my limbs grew heavy. It felt as if everything was moving slower than normal. I passed her back the blunt and watched as she smoked the rest. My eyes went in and out of focus as I tried to watch the TV in front of us. I felt different. I couldn’t say whether it was good or bad: just different.

When I glanced over at Nesha, she wore a goofy grin. She reached over and placed her hand on my thigh and stared at me awkwardly. I started to feel a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything.

“Just relax and let the high take over.”

“Solo! Can you hear me? Hello?”

Honesty’s voice and her pounding on the window snapped me out of my trance. I hadn’t even realized I was still in the car or that I had made it home. I recalled getting in my car, but my brain must have blocked out everything else.

I shook any negative thoughts from my head and opened the door. Honesty stood with a concerned look as she watched me. I hated it when she did that because it felt like she was trying to see something I didn’t want her to.

“Hey, are you okay? How long have you been sitting out here?”

I didn’t have an answer because I had no idea. Draike’s house was about twelve minutes from mine, so I assumed it hadn’t been too long.

“I’m not sure. I must have zoned out.” I shrugged, brushing it off.

The look in her eyes told me she wasn’t satisfied with my answer, and I knew she wasn’t going to let it go. Honesty never let anything go.

She trailed behind me as we walked into my place. I kicked my shoes off by the door, which was a habit I picked up from living with Yaya and Messiah. The housekeeper had been there, and I could tell because it smelled like a mixture of lavender, clean linen, and Pine-Sol. I never thought I would grow up and have a housekeeper, but it was definitely a necessity in my life.

“Did you get the snacks? I didn’t see any bags in the car.”

“Shit!” I groaned, realizing I forgot to stop by the store. My mind had been off, and I completely forgot.

“My bad. I was distracted and completely forgot. I can go right now.” I removed my keys from my pockets, about to put my shoes back on.

“No, it’s okay. You seem distracted, so I’ll go. I’m gonna order some Thai food, and I’ll head to the store. It’ll give you a chance to take a shower and smoke.”