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My stomach turned at the mere thought. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“Exactly.” Quinn smacked me a wee bit harder than required on the back. “You couldn’t be him if you tried. We are not our parents. We are not anyone we do not choose to be. Every day is a series of choices, and those choices make us who we are. And who you are is a man I’m proud to know. Do you think I’d want you for Cammie if you weren’t?”

“Fuck,” I bit out as more fucking stupid tears burned my eyes.

“Don’t let Barry’s ghost ruin your life, Forde. Or Cammie’s. Neither of you deserve that.”

I turned to meet my friend’s gaze and slowly nodded. “Thanks.”

“I’m always here.” He patted my knee and stood to his feet. “Also, don’t think I didn’t notice you told Cammie about your past before you told me. I’m deeply hurt.”

I chuckled, swatting sand at his feet. “Fuck off.”

Quinn grinned and held out a hand.

I let him pull me up, and I dusted the sand off my backside.

“Ready to return to the land of the living?”

It wouldn’t be easy because my own thoughts had a way of crawling over me like tar, pulling me into inky blackness. But I had to start redirecting those thoughts. To Cameron. To Quinn. Because if good people like them chose to keep me in their lives, then I couldn’t be all that bad, could I?

“Aye. I’m ready.”

48. Cameron

Iwas getting better at asking for help, which is why I’d gone to Quinn and asked him to talk to Forde. It was difficult admitting that I might not be the right person to bring Forde out of the quagmire of his inner thoughts, but I realized I was one of the reasons he was chewing himself apart inside. After my panic attack up north, Forde hadn’t mentioned us breaking up again and we’d returned to our lives. But he wasn’t himself. Therefore, I’d gone to Quinn.

My brother, as he had an annoying but brilliant tendency to do, must have said all the right things. Forde had come to my place that night and he was more himself. He told me he’d talked to Quinn and that he planned to speak to his therapist.

A week had passed. Forde went to his session with Dr. Gardener, and that seemed to lighten his mood too. Yet … I still sensed a bit of sadness. Saw it in the back of his eyes. I didn’t think anything could magically erase that. Forde seemed to not want to dwell on it, though, and instead was focused on us. He still felt terribly for my wee breakdown, the one I couldn’t think about without cringing.

It was so unlike me.

“Can I get you another drink, babe?” Forde asked now as we sat in the Lantern with our friends. It was open mic night, and I was excited because London had finally gotten up the courage to do a duet with Murray. She apparently had a great voice, but she also had stage fright, so it had taken some coaxing on her stepdaughter Kelly’s part. Kelly was too young to attend because Aodhan had an age rule after 8:00 p.m., so Tierney intended to film the performance on her phone to share with Kelly later.

I nodded to Forde. “Aye, please.”

Even Taran had dragged her very pregnant self to the pub with Quinn for this. Seriously, she was about to pop. And Ramsay and Tierney sat across the booth, both constantly checking their phones and trying not to appear like they were constantly checking their phones. Murray’s mum, Fiona, was babysitting Maura as well as Kelly.

It was their first time trusting the baby with someone else, and you’d think they’d asked a drunk to watch their child.

Forde left the table to order drinks at the bar. There was no sign of Caoimhe, though word had it she and Rina were still on the island. Just because there was no Caoimhe didn’t mean there weren’t interested women. A table of four ladies around my age watched Forde at the bar and giggled with one another as they ogled him.

I smirked and looked away only to meet London’s gaze. She’d noticed too and shrugged and rolled her eyes. Since she was married to one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever met in real life, she was used to other people fancying her husband. I leaned across the table. “Are you nervous?”

London snorted. “Uh, yeah, even though I only have one verse to myself. The rest of the time I’m just singing along and harmonizing.”

“You’ll do great.” I turned to our friends to get them to add their support, but Murray seemed to be reassuring Ramsay and Tierney about Fiona, and my brother was pressing sweet kisses to Taran’s jaw as he rubbed a hand over her huge belly. They were so lovey-dovey it was sickening.

I was happy for them, really.

But still. Were Forde and I like that?

“You’re just as bad.”

My head whipped to London and her eyes danced with laughter, like she’d read my mind. “What?”

“You and Forde.” She gestured to the bar where my man stood waiting on his orders. He’d shoved the sleeves of his Henley up, revealing his tattoos and muscular forearms. Dark top, dark jeans, dark boots. Covered in tattoos. Hot as fuck. But the hottest thing about him was his bravery and his heart. I wished he really knew how good his heart was.