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Carson tensed at my side, but he didn’t try to defend himself or his actions. I sighed, supposing I should’ve known it would come to this.
The hurricane has made landfall.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“I’m sorry, Levi. Truly,” I said, speaking for the first time since Levi had joined us. “I tried to apologize back then, and I will continue to apologize. I was wrong, and I have tried to atone for my actions.”
“What is wrong with you?” Levi spat the words at me, and I tried not to wince. “You didn’t already ruin my life enough back then?” Levi looked truly pained now. “She’s my sister.” The word “sister” came out strangled.
My stomach plummeted. I hadn’t expected this to go well, but it was even worse than I’d feared. I suppose I should’ve anticipated this from Levi, and I deserved it. I absolutely deserved it. But Logan did not, and I hated that she was caught in the middle. I hated that my actions were affecting her relationship with her brother. And I hated that I felt powerless to stop it.
“I was young, and I made a stupid mistake that I have regretted every day since. But I wish you could see that I’ve changed.”
Levi could barely bring himself to look at Logan. And when he did, it seemed as if he might cry. “You know how important she is to me.” His words were directed at me. “Is that why you went after her? For revenge? As if your family didn’t already do enough.”
“Lee,” I chided.
“No.” Levi pointed at me, his hand trembling. “You,” he seethed, “do not get to call me that.”
“Okay.” I held up my hands as if in surrender. “I’m sorry. But also, I need you to know that Logan and I didn’t do this to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Not then and not now.”
Levi scoffed. “Pretty sure I’ve heard those words from you before. They meant nothing then, and they mean even less now.”
“Lee—” Logan stepped forward, clearly trying to calm her brother. “Let’s just—”
“Did he tell you?” Levi asked again, cutting her off. When she said nothing, Levi pushed. “Did he tell you what happened?”
She hesitated, glancing at me with a wary expression. In that moment, I knew I should’ve just told her. I should’ve told her everything, but I’d been terrified of losing her. I was still terrified of losing her.
But then she returned her attention to Levi. “I know he tried to apologize. I know he cut ties with his family because of it.”
That seemed to give Levi pause, at least for a moment. I wondered if he’d believe me now. But then he asked, “That’s it? He didn’t tell you anything else?”
“I didn’t feel like it was my place—”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Levi spat out. “I was talking to my sister.”
Logan sighed. “No offense, Lee, but it’s not like you were very forthcoming either.”
“How convenient.” Levi barked out a laugh. “He only told you the parts of the story that made him look good, while leaving out some of the most important facts.”
I closed my eyes briefly, ashamed of my past actions. But I knew we couldn’t move past this, not until it was all out in the open. So I opened my mouth to explain, but it was Levi who spoke.
“He outed me,” Levi said, and Logan gasped. “He was my teammate, my best friend, and I trusted him with my secret—something I’d never told anyone. And he outed me as if my sexuality was something to be ashamed of.”
Logan turned to me, her eyes glittering with pain. “Is that true?”
I held her gaze even though I wanted to duck my head. If I wanted her to see me as the man I said I was, I needed to step up and take responsibility for my actions, as deplorable as they were.
“It was an accident.” I cringed at how casual that sounded, but I forced myself to press on. “I blurted it out to a few of our teammates, and I instantly regretted it. But the damage was already done.”
Logan’s expression crumpled, and I wondered what she was thinking. I wondered if she hated me. All along, that’s what I’d feared—that the truth would make her realize I wasn’t worthy of her. Because I wasn’t.
“But…” Logan tilted her head, turning to her brother. “I didn’t even know you were gay until you told me last Christmas. So how did you keep this secret all this time if some of your teammates from the NTDP knew?”
“I threatened them,” I said, finding my voice once more.
“You what?” Logan said.
