Page 76

I still wasn’t fully convinced he didn’t have ulterior motives. But when he looked at me like he saw right into my darkest parts, and then smiled at me, it was…

Heady. Addicting. Being seen by a man like Court engendered a mix of emotions that I’d never experienced before. I was starting to crave his company, his touch, his eyes.

It was dangerous. I was letting my guard down too much, going against every single rule and every truth I’d learned the hard way.

The chair creaked softly as I rocked and rocked, rubbing my thumb over the neat lines on my arms.

I was letting myself hope, and I couldn’t do that.

But the way Court was so vocal about his feelings and intentions… I didn’t know how much I could actually believe, but the things he said were words I’d never been given. Words I never thought I even wanted. And those goddamn hands of his were magic.

I saved your life, Whitney. That means you’re mine.

Those words were carved into my mind.

The sun was beginning to set when the door rattled on its hinges behind me, and I turned to look over my shoulder.

Court looked tired, but his green eyes were fastened on mine and held a warmth that I didn’t think I’d ever get used to. He lowered himself onto the edge of a weathered deck lounger to my right. It was low to the ground, and his long legs were almost touching the arm of my rocker. I kept my foot propped on the railing to hold the chair still.

“Couldn’t find you,” he said softly, sliding his palms along those hard thighs. “Almost thought you’d left. But then I saw your hair pins on the bathroom counter, and you definitely wouldn’t leave without those.”

I gazed back at him, letting the comfort of his attention roll over me. I shrugged. “Hair pins are a dime a dozen.” I wasn’t ready to admit that leaving him now would mean leaving that part of me that was waking up. I couldn’t lose any more of myself than I already had. “Besides, I’m getting a free place to stay and free food. It’s too good to give up just yet.”

He clasped his hands together, letting them hang between his knees. “That’s what I was thinking. What have you been doing all day?”

I shrugged. “Not much.” I sucked in a breath, about to ask him something, then pressed my lips together.

“No, don’t do that,” he said, reaching toward me. He set his index finger under my chin and slid his thumb along my bottom lip. “What were you gonna say?”

“Is it just Sherry Bateman that’s driving you to do this? Or is there something else?”

His eyes searched mine, and a muscle in his jaw ticced. Then he sighed, letting his hand fall away, and stared out into the horizon. “No. It’s not just Sherry Bateman.” He said nothing for so long, just let my question hover in the air between us. When he finally spoke again, his words were practically a whisper. “Thorne raped my mom. She worked at a popular bar outside of Glen Falls, and unfortunately it was one Thorne frequented. That’s how Jesse was conceived.”

Something hard lodged itself in my throat. “What?” I whispered. Of all the things I’d turned over in my mind, that had never been one of them.

He nodded once. He was tense as he continued to stare off at the setting sun, not meeting my eyes. There was no mirth, no warmth in his gaze, and the gravity of his words slowly sank into me.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “That’s why I’m going to kill him.” He leaned back on the lounger and stared off into the horizon. “Really fucked up, isn’t it?” he murmured.

“Oh my god,” I whispered, staring at him in horror.

“He doesn’t know Jesse exists. My mom—when she found out, I don’t think it even crossed her mind not to have him. She was made of love, that woman.”

His eyes finally slid to mine, and his voice was hard when he said, “But she was never the same after that. He stole her light and left her with nothing but darkness. We had to watch her fade away, little by little, until one day… one day she decided that it was all too much. She loved us, we never felt for a second she didn’t, and she tried her best, but she couldn’t find her way back to the person she was before. I can’t even⁠—”

His voice hitched, and he pressed his fingers into his eyes, taking a shuddery breath.

My entire body felt like it had gone numb. “Court…” I had no idea what to say. What did you say to try and ease the hurt of something that would never, ever stop hurting?

He reached over and plucked me from the rocking chair, and all I could do was wrap my arms around his neck as he settled me on his lap. He held onto me so tight as he buried his face in my neck and inhaled deeply, like my scent somehow settled him.

And because the truth he’d just given me was so sharp, it pierced through every single wall, left me as naked and vulnerable as Court had made himself in this moment.

He was a boy fighting monsters, and I…

I was just a girl who could give him a small amount of comfort until I needed to erect my walls again.

I gently cradled the back of his head and held him against me. His arms tightened around me, and when he spoke, his words were quiet. His lips were warm, periodically brushing against my skin as he told me about his suffering.