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Hurt flashed in his eyes, there and gone in a second. I took a step forward, instantly wanting to soothe it, but Wren took one back. I froze where I was, not sure how to proceed and wondering if we were too broken to move past it. I thought we had. I thought we were friends again, inching toward the closeness we’d always had, but I had to fix what I’d broken.

Wren cleared his throat. “What did you want to talk about?”

I’d thought we could talk while I cooked and he sat with me, keep talking while we ate. But the tenseness in Wren’s shoulders told me that wasn’t happening. I couldn’t stand to see him worrying so if he wanted to do this now, like this, I would.

I paced the length of the room, trying to get my thoughts in order, but it wasn’t helping so I took a seat on the couch. Wren eyed me warily, and when I gestured to the other end of the couch, he didn’t move. “Please sit.”

Wren took a step, hesitated, then shook his head. He sat as far away from me as the couch would allow and sort of perched there, as though he was ready to escape at a moment’s notice. My gut clenched, hating that I made him feel that way, but the only thing I could do was work to fix it.

“I’ve been in therapy since I got home.” That hadn’t been where I wanted to start, but it’s what came out, and really, it was as good a place as any. I inhaled slowly and blew it out through my mouth. “I’ve been working through a lot of my emotions, and the things that are ingrained in me for different reasons.”

“That’s good,” Wren murmured.

I nodded. “Do you remember when we met?”

Wren jerked, his eyes going wide, then instantly narrowing. “What kind of question is that?”

I had to smile, just a little. He was so indignant and that was better than wary.

“Just…do you remember how scared you were? You were trying so hard not to cry and I came over and told you that you were going to play with me.” I waited for Wren’s hum of agreement before I continued. “I didn’t realize it then, but that was the moment I knew I had all the unconditional love and support to make me confident and bold. And you…you didn’t have those things at home. And that was the moment I decided I was going to give you all of that.”

“Bode—”

I rolled right over him because now that I was talking, I couldn’t stop until I got it all out. “Just wait. Because I know I broke us the past couple of years. And I did that because I was broken, and I couldn’t let you see that. If you looked at me and didn’t see the protector I’ve always been for you, the supportive friend, your person… if you looked at me any differently then that would be what ended me.”

“No,” he said, and I heard the anguish there but I couldn’t look at him. Not yet.

“I’ve been deployed. I saw war zones early on in my career and hell of a lot since, but if you didn’t see me the way you always have? That would be the thing I couldn’t come back from.” I had to gulp air, my emotions welling up, but it wasn’t the time to break down. “So I need you to forgive me for the distance, okay? I need you to know I’m sorry, so sorry, for putting space between us when I was dealing with my shit. It was the wrong thing to do, but it was all I could do. I’m better now. And I need you to forgive me and believe me when I say I won’t do it again.”

“Bodhi.” Wren’s voice broke, and he was suddenly right there next to me. I could feel the warmth of him all along my side. He took a shuddery breath and there were tears in his voice. “You are not broken. And it’s not your fault. And of course I forgive you. But you have to know it’s not all on you to, I don’t know, keep me together. I have to do that too. I can now, in a way I couldn’t at five. Or even fifteen. Or even maybe twenty.”

I finally looked at him then, saw his big eyes wet with tears and his lips trembling. I tried to smile, hating that I made him cry but not surprised. Wren was a sensitive soul, always had been, and it was one of the reasons he made such impactful and meaningful music.

“I always want to be the person who keeps you together.”

Wren nodded and he leaned to hug me, but it wasn’t enough. I cleared my throat.

“Can you get in my lap?”

Wren’s whole body jerked back, and his eyebrows crawled up his forehead. The shock was kind of good to see, as it grounded me a little.

“I know it’s not fair of me to ask,” I said softly, reaching out slowly so he could pull away if he wanted to. “But I just…I’d really like to hold you. Kind of need it actually. So if it would be okay, can you please get in my lap?”

His mind was working quickly. I could tell by the way his gaze roved all over my face. Then his expression smoothed out, and I figured he was going to say no, which was his right. We hadn’t cuddled in a very long time and it was, as I had told him, unfair of me to ask.

But then he moved. Quicker than I thought possible, he slung one leg over my thighs and settled, wrapping his arms around my neck. I squeezed him to me, holding him there, reveling in his weight and his smell and his warmth.

And for the first time in a very long time, I felt whole.

Chapter 14

Wren

Hadn’t this been what I wanted? Wasn’t I exactly where I felt I belonged?

I made my body relax into him. Somehow every bit of him was still familiar to me. His muscles, the strong arms squeezing me close. His scent of horses and outdoors and whatever products he used these days was still comforting, too.

I struggled with having my brain just have this, because in a way, this wasn’t for me. He’d asked. Bodhi said he needed this.There weren’t many things I could deny him anyway, but if he told me he needed something, well, I couldn’t even pretend not to be willing to give him anything at all.