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When I open my eyes again, his brows draw together. “I don’t mean physically. I can’t be with you if you still have feelings for him. If you’re with me, you’re mine. Completely.”
I let out a sob. “Do you even want me? Because you’ve given me no indication that you do. I’m not her, Micah. I’m not Olivia, I’ll never be her. If that’s what this is all about, the only reason you’re attracted to me, then I can’t do this.” I just splayed my heart on the table, and he hasn’t even responded, just that stone-cold look of disdain.
He goes wholly still. His abdominal muscles ripple beneath my hand, words hanging off the tip of his tongue. Finally, his lips brush against my cheek. “I’m addicted to you, London, and not in a good way. My addictions aren’t healthy, they never were. I was addicted to her, too, but I never loved her. I only said that to hurt you.
“Micah—”
“She was never that person for me, and you can’t be, either. You need to go back to Maison; he’s the better twin. I’ll just end up destroying you. I can’t be who you need me to be, the loving fucking boyfriend Maison is. It’s not who I am.”
A cold wind slices through me, and I shiver more from his admission than anything else. I can’t be out here much longer like this. I wrap my arms around myself. He reads my physical cues as he always does and pulls me into him.
My breath hitches, the air thick between us. “You’re wrong,” I whisper with tears flowing down my face, but I’m not sure he hears me.
His eyes are so pained as he takes me in, completely shattered beneath him. “At first, my father thought it was me who killed her,” he says suddenly.
I freeze looking at him, my heart pounding as he recalls those painful moments that destroyed him. He is finally telling me.
“The moment she died, and for days after, my dad was going to let me burn over it. And then do you know what happened?”
I shake my head as the tears burn my eyes, all his pain radiating out of him.
“He found irrefutable proof that I had nothing to do with it. All signs were pointing to Maison, especially when he found the drugs in his room, and the online transaction of when he purchased them. Only then did my father take action to get me out of jail, and he completely ruined Ezra’s family to protect Maison. My dad moved mountains to make sure Maison never saw the inside of a jail cell. Maison still thinks she died in a car accident that I had caused.”
He pulls away from me and glares down at me. “For once, I need someone to choose me, to make me feel like I’m fucking worthy of being on this earth. He’s the better twin, London. Go back to him.” He lets me go and slips into the woods, into the shadows of the trees where I worry that one day, he won’t come back should his darkness finally consume him.
I fold to the ground. “I already chose,” I whisper to myself in a sob, but he’s already gone.
I already chose you, Micah.
I wake up to the fire sizzling and gusts of swirling wind, so cold the snow is flying sideways, directly into where I’m sleeping. My fingers and toes are numb beyond comprehension, despite wrapping myself up in as many layers as possible, including my wolf blanket. My body feels like it might break. As I regain consciousness, I instinctively feel for Micah, and my heart lurches as I realize he’s not come back yet.
After Micah left me at the creek, I composed myself enough to go back and help Jade clean the mess in her shelter and watch over Thomas. I changed back into my filthy sweats and worked on helping Thomas until the long shadows of dusk hit the sky and neither of us felt any good reason to stay awake after the temperatures plummeted.
This storm came out of nowhere.
Goosebumps fill my skin as I do my best to blow at the fire that is no longer burning. Slowly, the snow is wiping out the fire and ash and any sort of flame that could keep me warm. The heavy snow pours while the glacial wind whistles in my face. I can’t see two feet in front of me from the whirling snow. I give up on the fire and lay back, curling up in a ball, shaking, trembling, and praying Micah will come back soon.
Finally, snow crunches outside and Micah kneels down. His lean frame is hunched down, and by some holy miracle, he gets the fire lit again. The snow is so bright outside, I can see him clearly, as ice crystals hang off his sweater and face. I don’t help him because I can’t move. My body is stiff, the chill settling into every bone and nerve, even my hair is frozen.
He crawls in with me. The fire flickers off his face as he quickly changes into a fresh sweater. When he finally gets a good look at me, his face twists with worry as I sit, swaying back and forth, trying to keep myself together.
“Fuck, London. Your skin is blue. Come here.”
I want to yell at him, ask him where the hell he’s been while Jade and I cleaned up blood all afternoon and tended to a dying Thomas. Not to mention, I haven’t eaten in days. My body is eating itself. I have no fat to keep my body temperature warm.
He crawls over to me, placing his hands on mine, feeling how cold my skin is. Even his touch hurts me, but the fire just outside is helping as the heat defrosts me. He wraps the wolf blanket around me even more and covers his body over mine, heating my face with his hands.
“Are you okay?” he whispers.
“Yeah,” I shutter out through chattering teeth. His skin to skin contact instantly makes me feel better.
“Are Thomas and Jade okay?” I ask him in barely an audible whisper.
His hot breath is welcomed against my skin. “Yeah, I just checked on them. Thomas is still unconscious, but alive. Their fire is going, and I showed Jade how to keep it going during the storm. Hopefully, it passes quickly.”
I spend the next few minutes shivering in Micah’s arms, watching the flames as they seduce me to a near sleep. I think about Maison and hope he’s okay, wondering how he’s feeling and if I’ll ever see him again. I close my eyes and wish only for a second that they were Maison’s arms around me instead of Micah’s. Admittedly, only because of how much easier Maison is to deal with, and he never would have left me alone during a storm. I wonder if Micah is thinking about his brother too, or my plan to go back to him. He must be, even through all their pain and hurt, every decision made by both of them is because of the love they have for each other. I have to bring them back together.
They are better together, and better off without me.