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MIKEY: Flake! What? Where u going? Alex must be crushed.
TESS: He’s fine. Family thing, not business.
MIKEY: And he’s not going with you?
TESS: NO.
MIKEY: Hope the fam is ok. Let me know if you need us. Here for you.
Yeah, could you ask Alex what the fuck is wrong with him? Or tell him I left? He’s too busy high fiving bros and bimbos to know I’m gone yet. I fucked up. He fucked up.
TESS: Thanks. I’m good. Thank you.
MIKEY: When are you back?
TESS: Up in the air.
MIKEY: No. That’s unlike the two of you. You have every moment together planned for the next six months. Stop lying to me this instant, young lady.
If he doesn’t stop texting, I’ll end up full-on ‘rejected Bachelorette in the limo’ crying. Maybe we’re too planned. I toyed with the idea of moving to LA, but he never asked. I don’t know what he’s thinking and am overthinking everything again.
TESS: Hard-core rewrites. Will be a while. Ask Alex about it. I don’t have answers.
MIKEY: Thought it was family? This doesn’t sound good, Distraction.
TESS: Gotta go. Talk soon. Xo
MIKEY: You didn’t make a joke. This is too sincere. No one ‘has to go’ when texting unless you’re stepping into a shower or jumping from an airplane. That’s the point of texting. It can go anywhere.
TESS: Geronimo!
* * *
Alan’s thoroughly confused but happy to see me. I hug Alana as I throw my stuff on their couch. They have a tiny condo, so I’ll try not to sob loudly. It’s one a.m. He takes a pillow and blanket out and then heads to bed. I plug my phone in without turning it on. I rummage the fridge and pull out cold pizza and beer. I take three beers and settle into the couch. My brother reemerges a half-hour later.
“Spill it.”
I hand him a beer. “We kind of had a fight.”
“Kind of?”
“Well, we haven’t spoken yet.”
“You’re the only person on the planet who could orchestrate a fight without uttering a word.” I smile weakly, swig my beer, and launch into the entire story. Alan listens and gets me another beer.
“You did. You initiated a fight without a word spoken. You’re remarkable, sis. Get drunk. I’ll see you in the morning. Try to sleep. I know you’ll pick at this open wound a bit, but try not to. Sorry. I really liked him.”
“Do you think we’re done?”
“Do you?”
“It doesn’t feel done.” I pause and think. “It feels a little done.” I don’t know. I’m so tired of my fucking brain.
“Try and be open. Not so black and white. If you can’t win, you tend to quit. There’s a middle ground, Tessie. Life’s not about resolution or plans. You, of all people, should know that. Sometimes good things happen for bad reasons, or bad things happen for good reasons.”
He kisses me on my forehead. I turn my phone over in my hand. He didn’t come after me. Maybe he didn’t call. He made me feel expendable. I can’t face that right now. I’ll leave my phone off until I come up with a plan. I slide down on the couch and before I know it, I fall asleep.
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