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“Go on then, if you’ve written it.”
So he gave it to me. This wasn’t a contract renewal. All the patch brothers would have a vote. They would decide whether I kept my cut if I lived where my daughter lived. The youngest brothers had watched me come apart in that clubhouse. If they had to look at me while they voted, they might vote for my sake instead of the club’s.
“Yeah,” I said. “Get a clean count.”
Dutch went quiet. I looked at the half-built shelf beside me.
“You genuinely don’t care that you don’t get a vote?”
“No.”
“Glitch.” Something had changed in his voice. “You’ve built your whole adult life around Venom.”
“That’s a fact.”
“And now I’ve told you you don’t get a say in whether you keep your patch, and you accepted it like I’m moving a meeting.”
I sat on the workbench. He wasn’t wrong, and he deserved a real answer.
“I understand why I don’t get a vote,” I said. “The brothers have to decide without me looking over their shoulders. But don’t mistake that for not caring. I want my patch, Dutch. Venom’s my family. I don’t want to lose it.”
“And if we vote no?”
“I stay in Kettlewell.” Saying it hurt more than I’d expected. “If Wren wanted to go back to Millfield, this might be different. She doesn’t. I won’t ask her to leave the life she’s built here because I need Venom. Sparrow’s here too. I won’t be a father who rides in for a visit and leaves again.”
Dutch drew a breath. “Glitch—”
“I wish it wasn’t this way, Prez. I truly do. But they come first. Every man at that table with an old lady and kids should understand that. You, of all people.”
“I do. But the club—”
“Tell me Indira didn’t change you. Tell me Maya didn’t change you again. You said it yourself in church: we’ve become a bunch of old men sitting around talking about our kids. Very rich old men, thanks to Venom.” I gripped the edge of the workbench. “I’m not walking away from the work. You’ve seen me do it from here. But if Venom needs me back in Millfield, I can’t do that. It’ll gut me to lose my patch. I hope you’d still be my brother. But Wren and Sparrow are here. So am I.”
Dutch was quiet for a moment. “And if Wren doesn’t take you back? What if you lose your patch and the two of you are still just raising Sparrow together?”
I looked down at my hand on the workbench. We’d been finding our way back to each other and I took every opportunity offered to worship her body. Some nights I could hardly bear to let her go. But we hadn’t said what happened next. I wanted to believe I knew but Dutch had just put a name to what I was afraid to ask.
I let out a breath. “I want her, Dutch. I want the rest of my life with her. But if she tells me tomorrow that she doesn’t want that, I’m still staying. Sparrow needs her dad here. Wren shouldn’t have to take me back to know I’ll show up for them both.”
“Even if it costs you your patch?”
“Even then.”
Dutch grunted. “I can respect that. I hear you, brother.”
By the Friday of the vote, I’d finished every shelf I’d planned and started another I didn’t need. I kept the phone on the bench where I could see it. Dutch’s name appeared while I was holding a bracket against the wall. I let my arm drop and answered.
“It’s done,” he said.
“Unanimous?”
“Every man.”
I’d prepared myself to hear no. I hadn’t thought about what I’d say to yes. “Right.”
“Don’t sound so damn pleased, brother.”
“I am. I’m jumping up and down with excitement.”