Page 19

Yet, when Meg arches into me and sighs into my mouth, whatever remaining thought burns down to pure instinct. Hands grip, breath collides, the lure of desire outweighs all the reasons we should stop. My fingers flex at her waist, then slide lower, lifting her thigh to hook against my hip. She gasps into my mouth, and the sound goes straight through every careful defense I’ve ever built.

There is no expectation of captains, no demands by my father, no sign of Cody’s broken eyes, no future waiting with a knife behind its back. There is only Meg’s mouth, her body trapped between mine and the wall, and the raw collision of two people trying to drown separate agony in the same heat. She tastes like adrenaline and fury. She feels like the kind of freedom that could destroy the cage I was raised in.

Then a vibration cuts through the haze. I ignore it at first, but Meg’s head turns slightly, her attention snagging on the sound. I use the new angle to drag my mouth along her jaw and down her neck because I am selfish enough to steal just one more second. Her pulse leaps beneath my lips, her hands twisting further into my hoodie. I can feel her drifting away from me, even as my body presses hers into the wall, my control hanging on by a thread.

“Hold up,” Meg breathes, arching away enough to wedge space between us. Her hands flatten on my chest, and as she pushes, I take a reluctant step back. The loss is instant and infuriating, like a rush of cold air entering the room. I lift my head slowly, breathing harder than I should be, my mouth swollen, and every inch of me still tuned to her.

“What’s happening right now?” Meg’s eyes roam over my face, and for one pathetic, dangerous second, I think she might change her mind. Then her phone vibrates in the background again. A humorless sound escapes me.

“You tell me.” I stand straighter, taking a page directly from her book. Shove out the desire with irritation. “You dragged me in here. You stepped closer. You’re the one in control.” Her fingers retract instantly, and she steps back.

“This didn’t happen,” Meg states hoarsely. I search her face, pinpointing the pinch of regret between her brows. That’s the final douse of cold water to the fire raging inside me. Pulling my mask back into place, I lock down my lust and reach down to rearrange my throbbing cock in my boxers, a small smirk curving across my mouth.

“Whatever you say, Meg. It’s not like I don’t have other options anyway.” I don’t wait around to see her reaction to my cruelty. I already hate myself for the person I have to be, for the burden I must carry like a ton of weight on my back.

Unlocking the door, I step back into the hallway, standing amongst the thunder of Cody’s music as my heart and mind tear me in two directions. Meg presents a path that I could walk in the daylight, one that society would accept, even if she never will. Whilst Cody holds my heart amongst the shadows and behind closed doors. His love should be enough, even if it must stay a secret, but I’m greedy. I refuse to choose between them, and I must suffer the consequences for it. That’s why I walk straight up to Cody’s door, and instead of knocking, I let myself inside to see exactly what Meg was so terrified of.

Chapter Ten

My back stiffens, a shift in the air setting my nerves on high alert. I can’t hear beyond the music pulsing through the room, but there’s a change all the same. The water droplets I’ve yet to dry from my recent shower drip from my hair. I clutch at the towel sitting low on my hips as a faint draft brushes the back of my neck, carrying the faint scent of grass, expensive cologne, sweat, and something sweeter beneath it. Something that makes my molars grind together.

Turning to glance over my shoulder, I lock eyes with Everest. My muscles lock tighter as I imagine how my room looks from an outsider’s perspective. All around me is the evidence of my latest breakdown, my newest fascination. Meg’s features cover my room in fragments. Her eyes swim with tears on loose pieces of paper, her mouth parted in a scream amongst the charcoal. Beneath paint and shadow, her body twists from rage and contorts from fear. Her breasts. Her throat. Her hands. There are pieces of her everywhere, repeated with the manic desperation of an addict trying to understand a drug by overdosing on it.

Jesus Christ. I got carried away, and now Everest is witnessing how obsession can quickly turn ugly. Slowly, I turn to face him fully, my fingers stained, eyes hollow and defense weak.

“What the fuck, Cody?” Everest frowns, kicking the door shut. Shame colors my cheeks as he crosses straight over to my speaker and turns the volume up even further. Music floods the room in a violent wall of sound, bass punching through the floorboards and rattling the jars of brushes on my desk, effectively blocking out the woman next door who we’re both hiding from. I brace myself for him to yell truths that I know I need to hear, but then my gaze snags on his mouth.

Bruised. Swollen. Thoroughly kissed, and not by me. The air leaves my lungs in a rush, and on my next inhale, I recognize the sweet smell I couldn’t quite catch the first time. I’m drenched in the same bodywash after all, but that’s because I was high as fuck in the shower, somehow lathered in rosewater and fisting my cock before I came to my senses. What’s his excuse for smelling like her?

Bringing his eyes back to mine and spotting how I’m now frowning at the creased front of his hoodie, Everest’s hands slowly rise.

“I can explain,” he starts, but I don’t care for his words. Not when I’m standing here like an idiot, every canvas in this room suddenly feeling less like a confession and more like a joke I didn’t know I was the punchline of. Striding for my door, I plan on getting the fuck out of dodge and possibly never returning, but Everest is on me before the door can open more than a crack. His palm hits the wood, slamming it closed before he crowds me, making it clear he has no intention of letting me disappear without a fight. Well, a fight he will get.

“Is this what you did to her? Pinned her against a wall and took what you’ve been wanting?” Green eyes flicker with guilt, and rage burns through me hot and fast. I throw my fist at his ribs, and he grunts beneath his breath, but the bastard still manages to grind his knee between my thighs so I can’t budge. “Move,” I hiss.

“Not until you listen.”

“I listened plenty yesterday, whilst you were making promises you couldn’t keep.” Everest’s jaw tightens, but I use that flicker of guilt to shove him aside.

He recovers quickly, far more prepared for this fight than I was, and entering into a battle of wills. Me trying to pry the door open and him firmly barricading it with his muscles, damn him. It would be almost comical if I couldn’t still see his puffy lips. If I couldn’t picture him pushing his tongue into Meg’s mouth as if he didn’t know it would erase another piece of what little trust we had left.

“She was in here. Meg was in here,” Everest grunts as I try to use my shoulder to get him to move out of the way. It’s useless. He’s always been stronger than me physically.

“No, she wasn’t,” I deny as Everest’s arms band around me, and he stubbornly walks me back towards the bed. Pushing me to sit, I bounce on the mattress and glare up at his crossed arms and accusing green eyes.

“I came to see you, and found Meg darting out of here instead. You failed to tell me she’s living right next door.” The narrowing of his eyes tears a scoff from my throat.

“Oh, my apologies.” I stand and push past him. “I’m so glad you gave her a warm welcome with your mouth.” The room spins around me, dread curling in my stomach. If she really was here, if she has seen all of this…I can’t suppress a shudder quickly enough. This isn’t just art, it isn’t just her face. It’s the ugliness of my soul bleeding onto a canvas, the blurred line between hatred and unhealthy fascination smeared beneath the swipe of a palette knife.

“She shouldn’t have been snooping,” I snap, humiliation clawing at the back of my neck. Everest says nothing, his eyes tracking as I shove sketches into drawers and slam them shut as if I’m trying to crack the wood. Then I move toward the canvas propped on the easel. Meg’s profile stares back at me, contorted beneath a half-formed veil of smoke, her eyes too large, too wounded and far too knowing. I spin it toward the wall, but Everest has already seen enough.

A large hand lands on my shoulder and Everest spins me into him. My bare chest hits his T-shirt, the hoodie he was wearing now tossed aside on the bed. Maybe he was trying to banish the smell of her, but it’s radiating from me anyway, along with the stench of shame. If Everest notices any of it, he doesn’t comment. Instead, he cradles my nape, simply holding me until the erratic speed of my breathing begins to settle. I don’t hug him back, but I don’t move away either.

“Why are you drawing her, Cody?” Everest asks beside my ear, careful to slice beneath the beat of the music. My nostrils flare, and I push him a step back. Comforting moment over.

“Why were you kissing her, Everest?” His mouth opens, then closes again, his eyes cutting across the room.

“It wasn’t planned,” he mutters. A sharp laugh bursts out of me, my hands lifting into the air.