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Greid’s nostrils flared. “A nickname you came up with when we were kids—when you used to torment me.”

“Torment you? That’s a bit much, Greid.”

“No it’s not!” he exploded. “You sucked, Nuni! You left me out of things! You picked on me constantly.”

“It wasn’t just me,” I shot back, a tendril of guilt squeezing my gut and making me want to squirm. “The others did it too.”

“You were the ringleader.”

“Yeah, well, I—” My hands clenched into fists, anger swirling with the uncomfortable feeling that was making my chest tight. “What about all the times I looked after you, huh? Made you dinner. Made sure you did your homework and got up for school.”

“You—” He fidgeted. “Indi and Bax looked after us when Mom was at work.”

“Yeah, at first, when we were too young to be on our own. But after that it was me, Greid. I was the one who cooked dinner for all of us. I was the one who made sure the house wasn’t a total shitshow for Mom to come home to every night. I did all our laundry and forced you all to fucking… change your sheets and tidy your rooms. But all you remember is me calling you Grode and pulling your pants down every now and then? That’s bullshit.”

“I…” He didn’t seem to know what to say, his ears fluttering wildly. “In my defence, you used to just barge into our rooms and rip the covers off and yell at us to get up. You weren’t exactly… It just seemed like you were trying to be a dick.”

My nostrils flared. “I was looking after you!”

“Okay!” he rushed out. “Okay, I get that now, but you’re not exactly the most tactful guy, Nuni. It didn’t seem that way.”

“Oh, well, I’m so sorry I didn’t give you a kiss on the forehead every morning or cut your fucking sandwiches into lovehearts,” I snarled, my face spikes flaring forward in defensive anger. “I was just trying to help, dude.”

“Okay,” he repeated, audibly trying to calm down. “Okay, fine, maybe you weren’t being an asshole then, but you still were one the rest of the time, Nuni. You weren’t very nice.”

I flinched, guilt swirling with my anger and making me go on the defence. “Did you ever think that maybe I wasn’t nice because I was scared, Greid? Surely you remember how hard it was after Dad left, when Mom suddenly had to find a job, then a second job to pay the bills? We had no money. I was terrified we wouldn’t be able to eat. I was worried that… I don’t know, Laki would completely fly off the rails and drop out of school. Or Kiti would get some creep older boyfriend and fall in with a bad crowd. None of you even seemed to notice how hard it was, because we were all just so relieved that Dad wasn’t around anymore. But I noticed. I noticed all the times Mom had clearly been crying after she got off the phone with Aunt Indi. I noticed all the late payment warnings in the mail. I noticed when one of us would ask Mom for new clothes or art supplies or whatever and she looked like she was about to burst into tears because we had no money.”

I finally stopped, breathing hard. Greid was staring at me in shock.

“I… Of course we noticed how tight money was,” he said shakily. “But we were all kids, Nuni. You can’t blame the rest of us for not realising the magnitude of the situation just because you did.”

“I didn’t blame you!” I exploded. “When did I say I blamed any of you?”

“Why didn’t you just talk to the rest of us about it?”

“Because I… I didn’t want you to have to deal with it,” I said, my voice rough. “Daga was doing well at school and dropball. Sorin was going through his own stuff. Laki was already a nightmare and I didn’t want them to tip over the edge. And you were…” I took a shaky breath. “You were so tiny still. And shy. I didn’t want to freak you out by telling you how bad things were for a while. So I tried to deal with it for all of us.”

He stared at me, something vulnerable flashing in his eyes before he looked away quickly. “So is that why you took it out on me? Because I was the smallest?”

A lump formed in my throat, all my indignant fury rushing away as I stared at my brother.

“I didn’t mean to…” I swallowed, not knowing what to say as my skin prickled with heat. To my mortification, my eyes grew hot and blurry. “Did I really torment you? Was it… was it that bad?”

“Don’t start crying,” Greid said quickly.

“I’m not crying,” I scoffed straight away, blinking fast to try and clear my vision. “I have allergies. It’s hayfever. I just want to know.”

“I mean…” He sounded uncomfortable. “Yeah, it was pretty bad. You’d start teasing me and you’d get the others all worked up, and… you know what pack mentality is like. I was always the butt of the joke. The one everyone pulled pranks on. The one you said wasn’t allowed to go play in the woods with you and Laki, but then you’d let Kiti or Suni or Sorin go with you.”

My chin wobbled. “That was… that was only because you were so small. You could’ve gotten hurt.”

He huffed. “That’s just one example, Nuni. You also used to put gross stuff in my bed. You’d—Dude, seriously, do not start crying.”

“I’m not,” I blubbered, keeping my head bent as I wiped frantically at my streaming eyes.

“Seriously.” His voice sounded thick.

“It’s allergies,” I mumbled, my voice hitching. “You’ve got some stupid plant in here setting them off.”