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“Hey,” they said when they answered. “Aren’t you usually at the gym right now?”

“I bullied Greid,” I blurted, rolling over in bed to stare at the ceiling.

There was a pause, before Laki hesitantly said, “Um… why?”

I cringed. “No, I mean, when we were kids. I bullied him, didn’t I? I was a total shit to him.”

Another silence, one that made me feel even worse. Then I heard Laki sigh.

“Look, we were all… pretty awful to Greid when we were younger,” they said uncomfortably. “But… me and you especially, yeah.”

“Fuck, dude.” I exhaled, scrubbing a hand down my face. “Why? Why were we such assholes to him?”

“Well, you took Dad leaving pretty hard,” they said. They already knew how stressed out I’d been in those days. “But I really was just an asshole back then, dude. I didn’t really have an excuse. I just sucked.”

“You didn’t suck,” I said automatically. “You were confused about stuff.”

“I guess. But I was still an asshole. You took a lot on, Nuni. And I guess… Greid was your outlet.”

“I feel so fucking bad.” My voice cracked. “I didn’t even realise until—I went to Greid’s yesterday and we ended up talking about everything and… fuck, dude. I just feel so guilty.”

“You two talked about it?”

“Yeah. I apologised, obviously, and he forgave me. But I still…” My chin wobbled. Goddamnit, the stupid shade was still making me emotional. “He said I tormented him. How could I have done that to him? Why did I… take my stupid fucking frustration out on him? He was so small. And shy.”

Laki sighed. “Okay, look, you might not like this, but I’ve thought about this already. You remember how terrible Dad was to Greid? How he always used to call him a runt and stuff?”

I sat up and got out of bed, the guilt making me restless as it swirled in my stomach. “Yes. And then I was just as fucking bad. Worse.”

“You weren’t worse than Dad,” Laki said flatly. “But I think… I mean, we were really young, Nuni. I know we were all happier once Dad was gone, but… he was our dad. Maybe a part of you… kind of blamed Greid for him leaving. Seeing as Greid was the one he targeted the most.”

My mouth pinched, anger making my fist clench. “No. No fucking way, dude. I was glad Dad left. He was a fucking dick.”

“Nuni…”

“I was,” I seethed. “I hated him. I hate him. What kind of prick treats his kids like they’re just… things getting in his way? Then takes off and leaves his lifemate to suddenly have to clothe and feed eight kids all on her own?”

“Okay,” Laki said calmly, allowing me to take a breath. “You’re right. He was terrible. We were better off without him, at least emotionally.”

“Except Greid,” I mumbled, pacing in my living room. “Because I just fucking filled the void Dad left and kept making him feel like shit.”

“It’s not the same, Nuni,” Laki said, their tone still steady. “Being picked on by your brother is not the same as being verbally abused by your own father.”

My chest ached so much I had to sit down on the couch and rub it. “Did I abuse Greid?”

“No. You just gave him that stupid nickname and teased him. You never abused him, Nuni. You never hit him or tried to destroy his self-esteem or anything like that. You never told him he was a waste of space. We just… took things too far sometimes.” Now they sounded uncomfortable. Regretful. “Singled him out for pranks and stuff, but the intent was never malicious. We were just dumb kids who didn’t understand how much stuff like that can affect people. And it wasn’t just you, Nuni. It was all of us, to an extent. Especially me. Please don’t shoulder this by yourself as well.”

“I just feel so guilty,” I croaked. “And so… fucking stupid. All these years I couldn’t figure out why Greid didn’t seem to like me.”

“He didn’t dislike you. Greid and I talked about stuff, years ago now, when I apologised to him for everything.”

“You mean when you stopped getting into fights and getting arrested and went all zen?” I mumbled.

They huffed. “Yeah, then. It seemed more like he thought you didn’t like him. He… well, he kind of didn’t understand why you targeted him.”

I tried to suppress my watery sniffle. “Fuck. I’m such an asshole. I’m just as bad as Dad was.” I cringed, clutching my hair. “I’m just like him, aren’t I?”

“You’re not,” they said calmly. “You were going through a lot. We all dealt with Dad leaving in different ways. If you were an asshole, you wouldn’t be feeling so guilty now.”