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My former-wildchild-now-zen-sibling grunted. “People get told a lot of stuff at school that doesn’t exactly prepare you for real life.”

I fiddled with the pen on my desk. “I guess.”

“I’m not saying you’re an asshole for having never been attracted to a human before now,” they said. “You’re just… someone who likes things to make sense.”

“Am I?”

They chuckled. “Yeah. You like things orderly.”

“That sounds like a subtle way of saying I’m closed-minded.”

“No, you’re not closed-minded at all,” they said easily. “You just… have blinders on. If something doesn’t adhere to what you’ve always known, you either steamroll over it or get all weird and flustered for a while until you can process it.”

“Mm,” I said doubtfully. I wasn’t too sure about that. That didn’t sound like me. I was calm and controlled at all times.

“My point is, there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to your human event planner. There’s no reason to treat this any differently to all the other times you’ve been attracted to someone, just because she’s human.”

“Oh my god, dude, you’re such a… I’m not attracted to her. I’m not. And it’s nothing to do with her being human. She’s annoying. She’s like… weirdly competitive.”

“She’s weirdly competitive?”

“What does that mean?” I snapped defensively.

“I didn’t think you lacked this much self-awareness, Nuni, but you are extremely competitive.”

I bristled. “No I’m not, and if I was, it would only be because I’d know I could win. If I wanted to.”

“Win at what?” They sounded amused.

“I don’t know,” I snapped. “Everything.”

They deadpanned, “Alright, so you’re apparently not competitive, but she is. Is that a problem?”

“What do you mean?” My head was starting to hurt.

“Why does it matter? You like people with drive. Ambition.”

“I know I do, and yeah, fine, she’s clearly… driven. But that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to her.”

“Fair enough,” Laki said calmly.

“Okay, yes, objectively speaking she’s attractive,” I found myself blurting. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“So she’s attractive and ambitious and has a good job…” I heard Laki spark up a joint. “None of these sound like weird problems to me.”

“I never said they were problems!” I exploded, whirling around in my seat to glare out of the windows. “Why did I even call you?”

“Chill, dude. I’m just helping you work through it.”

“I don’t need to work through anything. This is a pointless conversation. I don’t even know why we’re having it.”

“Because you brought up your event planner.” They took a deep drag of their joint and added through a lungful of smoke, “And you’re clearly attracted to her.”

“I am not!” I stamped my foot as I said it, just as there was a knock at the door and Felik swaggered in a split second later. Ears fluttering, I ducked my head. “I have to go. I’ve got a meeting.”

“Okay,” Laki said easily. “Call me later if you want to talk about it some more.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I hissed before hanging up. Pocketing my phone, I smoothed back my hair and spun my chair to face the room. “Sup, d-bag.”