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“What is it?” Beans asked suspiciously.

“Gum.”

“What flavour?” Frank immediately asked, just as suspiciously.

“Uh…” I peered down at it. “Spearmint.”

“Ooh.”

They shared a long look, communicating silently. Then Beans narrowed his eyes at me and jerked his pointy chin. “Throw it over, pal. No funny business.”

I chucked the packet over. Beans caught it in his mouth and crunched down, foil and all.

“Okay, are we done?” I asked with a hint of impatience. “I want to get home.”

“I dunno…” Frank said slyly, still pointing the gun at me through his pocket. “If you got stuff as good as gum in them there pockets, maybe you’ve got something else too.”

“I really don’t,” I told him blankly. I wasn’t going to tell him about the car key, obviously. Or my phone. Or wallet.

They’d watched me come out of a grocery store and unlock my car. If they didn’t think of taking any of those things, that was on them. I certainly wasn’t going to remind them. They should definitely do the zipper thing instead of this. They were really bad at it.

Before either of them could speak again, voices echoed down the alley from the street. It just sounded like a couple talking and laughing, but Frank and Beans panicked.

“Piss, it’s the feds,” Frank hissed, shuffling frantically from side to side as Beans spat out a wad of foil and gum in alarm. “We need to scram.”

“Leave the weapon,” Beans rushed out. “Then it can’t be tied to us. Yeah, that’s right, I know the law, turd!” he called back to me as the pair of them turned and ran, Frank chucking the gun out of his pocket before they vanished around the corner.

I didn’t move for a few seconds, a little stunned by everything that had just happened, then slowly started walking out of the alley. I paused when something on the ground caught my eye, looking down at it and feeling my mouth flatten into a grim line.

It was a frozen hot dog.

They’d tried to mug me with a frozen hot dog.

Well, technically they’d succeeded in mugging me with a frozen hot dog. They’d taken my gum.

I stretched out my foot and nudged it with the toe of my shoe. Evidently, it had started to thaw in Frank’s pocket, because it broke in half.

Sighing, I walked over to my car. My grocery bags were still on the ground, so I bent to gather everything up before shoving them onto the back seat. My face was still throbbing, so I gingerly touched the side of my nose and hissed. It didn’t feel broken, but I was pretty sure I’d get a black eye.

“Are you alright?”

I glanced over and froze when I saw none other than billy goat creep bopping toward me. At least he only looked concerned, not lechy.

“Uh, yeah.” I managed to give him a brief smile, wanting to wince when my nose stung. “Thanks.”

“Did those two guys mug you?” he asked in shock when he reached me. “I saw them running out of the alley. And your nose has been bleeding.”

I hurriedly wiped underneath it again. “Uh, they… I guess they did. Or tried to.”

“Oh my god,” he breathed, touching my arm and making me flinch back. “You’re so brave.”

“Nope. Just pissed off.” I gave him another tight smile and reached for my car door. “And I want to go home.”

“Let me take you for a drink,” he said in a sympathetic voice, but I could see his eyes starting to gleam as they drifted down my frame. “Share your troubles with me, handsome stranger. Let’s get to know each other. ”

“No thanks.” I yanked open my car door and hurriedly climbed in, turning on my engine as fast as possible.

“But who knows what could blossom from such adversity?” he called after me as I pulled away from the kerb, his voice fading into the distance. “We could be beautiful together!”