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“You sure?” I asked while the queen began ordering her guards to kill all of Ethel’s cronies, her voice shrill and panicked.
As they raised their swords and started striding forward, Freddie yelled something to the gaggle of elderly ladies. They all began to shift into their reptilian forms, their floral dresses magically stretching to stay on their suddenly huge and hulking bodies. As they launched themselves at the guards with eager bellows, using their handbags as weapons, the fae nobility in the room began to scream, flinging their cups away to run for the doors.
But I wasn’t paying attention to them. I eagerly watched the quiet, tiny knitting lady as, in the middle of the chaos, she sighed and tucked her needles and wool hat away, wiped her nose delicately with a tissue, then shifted into a navy-skinned alligator beast and let out an ear-splitting roar.
“Holy fuck,” I choked as she barrelled forward and scooped up two fae guards at once, lifting them over her head and roaring again in triumph.
“You don’t need to stick around for this bit,” Ethel told me, having to raise her voice a bit to be heard over the shouts of the guards, the rabid laughter of the old ladies and the terrified but excited screams of the fae. “Won’t take long. Will all be very boring, I’m sure.”
“’Kay,” I called back, giving Crossbody’s hand a comforting squeeze as he watched the chaos in stunned silence. “Thanks again for all your help.”
“Our pleasure, dear,” she said. “You’re a good boy, Vince. And you two are just adorable.”
I flushed with a grin, then peered around to find Freddie and shoot him a quick thumbs up. “Thanks again, Freddie!” I yelled.
He shot me a thumbs up back with his thick, muscular arm wrapped around the neck of a fae guard, who was choking and flailing his legs. “Our pleasure, Vin! We’ll go for lunch soon, yeah?”
“Sounds good!” I turned to smile at Crossbody and a very dazed Ianthe. “Ready to go?”
“I…” Crossbody blinked a few times. “Um… yes?”
“Cool.” I glanced back at the room, now a sea of clashing bodies. “You go get Ianthe back to her room and grab our suitcase. I’ll meet you in the hallway, okay?”
“What are you going to do?” he asked worriedly as I ushered the pair of them out. “Vince, please don’t—”
“Just going to quickly talk to Freddie about something. Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. I’ll be two seconds.”
“Vince—”
I gently shoved him through the doors, then turned and strode deeper into the room, ducking to avoid a sword being swung by a fae guard, then ducking again to avoid an actual fae guard being swung by a little old lady shifter.
When I reached the big table in the centre, most of the food had already been ruined—trampled on, knocked over or used as projectiles. But one of those pretty, nicely decorated cakes with the fancy frosting was miraculously still intact.
With a grin, I carefully picked it up and scooped up some icing with a finger to taste it. It was pretty good—kind of floral and not too sweet. Hefting it, I noted its impressive weight as I carried it across the room to where Queen Galantha was being restrained by Ethel and another little old lady while Axel got ready to fuck with the timeline in her head. He was eating a sandwich to prepare, and gave me a nod with his cheeks bulging.
“Just carbo-loading,” he told me through his mouthful.
“Nice.” I looked at the queen, still holding the cake, and smiled. “And nice to properly meet you, huh? I’ve heard a lot about you. None of it has been good.”
“Do you think I care?” she snarled, trying to wriggle free from Ethel’s hold. “Get out of my sight. Take my worthless excuse for a son. I don’t care. Take him.”
“I’m gonna,” I told her. “And I’m going to make sure he knows just how much he’s worth, by the way, so it doesn’t really matter what you say at this point. I just wanted to do one thing.”
“And what is that?” she spat, glaring at me with pure hatred in her eyes. “Not that I—”
Before she could finish, I lifted the cake and threw it, hitting her square in the face.
Axel burst out laughing, spraying mushy, mustard-stained bread and meat everywhere. The queen had frozen in stunned silence, pink and mauve icing covering her entire face except for her eyes, which blinked at me vacantly, the lids coated. Then a little hole appeared as her mouth dropped open in utter shock.
“Anyways.” I gave Axel a cheerful nod. “Good luck, bro.”
“Won’t let you down, bro.” He nodded back with a solemn salute, taking another bite of his sandwich. “Mainly because Holt will never, ever stop whining if I let his business get shut down.”
I chuckled, waving at Ethel as I turned to leave. Just as I narrowly avoided getting sliced in half with a sword, I spotted Crossbody standing at the doors, frozen in place, his eyes wide with shock and a hand covering his mouth.
His gaze was locked on his mother. His cake-coated mother. When I reached him, I heard him make a tiny sound that was somehow a cross between hysterical laughter and sheer horror. I grinned with pride, hoping the queen was watching as I clasped his wrist to pull it away from his face and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth.
Crossbody looked dazed as I pulled back. Voice faint, he said, “Vince, did you… just throw a cake at my mother?”
