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I tuck my head under his jaw and let my eyes drift closed. “I could get used to the Kennedy men carrying me around.”
I feel Lick laugh, but I’m out for the count moments later. I miss the soft look his father gives me or the way Dot appears out of nowhere, opening the doors so Lick can carry me through without disturbing me.
Iwake up feeling warm, snug, and thankfully not sick, which makes a nice change. I wriggle my toes and try a stretch when I realize I’m pinned in place by a heavy arm. I lift my head and stare over at Lick. His face looks softer when he sleeps, his enviable long lashes flutter slightly as he stirs, his tongue slips out and wets his bottom lip, drawing my focus, making me want to follow its path with my own.
I don’t know what’s happening between us right now or what will happen in the future. Friends that co-parent, acquaintances that once slept together? I want to pretend I’ll be okay with whatever as long as he treats our child well, but I feel my stomach cramp at the thought of him with someone else and me having to watch it all play out. That’s the thing about having feelings for someone you parent with. In an ideal world, you’d be happily married or in a committed relationship, but we all know that’s not always the case. When it’s not, I think it’s inevitable someone is going to get their feelings hurt along the way. When I found out Dan was cheating, all I felt was disappointment followed by relief. Our relationship had been stagnant for a long time. We weren’t even treading water anymore. We were floating along, eyes wide open, knowing this was the end, but unable to slip free from the current until someone came along and pulled the plug. I guess that makes Dan’s secretary the plug in this situation, but it is what it is.
The fact of the matter was, I lost my home, my marriage, my kids’ respect, and was then forced to watch the man who promised me forever, live out that promise with someone else. And you know what I realized once my anger died down? That I wasn’t heartbroken. I didn’t feel like I lost Dan because he hadn’t felt like mine in a long time. Instead, I felt like I’d got myself back, as fragile and fearful as I was. It was like stepping out into the sun after a decade spent in an underground bunker, with a floor made of eggshells that I learned to tiptoe over like a ballerina.
But as I lie here watching Lick’s eyes open and land on me, a moment before they fill with warmth, I know watching this man live a life with someone else, one who my child may also grow to love, would break me. It makes my guard snap back into place.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Better. A little disoriented perhaps because I don’t remember how I got here, but I don’t feel the need to eject my internal organs from my body, so there’s that.”
He grins. “Always a bonus.”
“Exactly. So how did I get here exactly, and why are you in here with me?”
“This is my room, so where else would I be?”
I open my mouth to say “the sofa or another room” and realize how rude that sounds. This is his room, as he said. I’m the one intruding. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.”
He frowns. “I don’t know where your brain just went, but you don’t need to say sorry. I like waking up next to you.”
“Lick—”
“No, we agreed to let things play out. I know you’ve had a shitty experience, Emma, but at some point, you’re just going to have to trust that I’m not your ex. I won’t hurt you like he did.”
“No. You have the potential to hurt me far worse, which is so fucking dumb because I hardly know you and yet…”
“And yet…” he agrees before his lips cover mine, soft and demanding until I yield to him. He leans over me, careful to keep his weight from my stomach as he takes his time kissing me. He does it in a way that doesn’t feel rushed or like it’s the first step to get him where he wants to go.
He kisses me as he worships me, like this is all he’s been thinking about all day, and the thought of not kissing me makes him feel ill. By the time he pulls back, I forget all the reasons why this is a bad idea and think about how my vagina has been really good lately and deserves a reward. Hell, after the lack of attention in my marriage, it deserves a daily redeemable voucher for hot, sweaty sex with a side of toe-curling oral.
“Let’s get you fed.”
I make a whimper of complaint, but he chuckles before climbing out of bed. He walks into the attached bathroom, leaving me to pout like a teenager.
I take in the tidy, if sparse, room and sigh, sitting up slowly so I don’t tempt fate. Once I know I’m not going to puke, I get to my feet and take in the oak dresser, the desk and chair in the same oak wood, and the cosy-looking wingback chair in a deep ox blood red in the corner. I notice a leather vest lying on the seat, walk over to it, pick it up gently, and see “Lick” stitched across the front chest pocket.
After spending some time here, I’m not as freaked out as I was before about the whole biker thing. But I’m not naive enough to think there isn’t a whole lot going on behind the scenes that I don’t want to know. Perhaps it’s better that way. If I knew what they were really into, I’d probably run for the hills. Given my current condition, running doesn’t seem all that fun right now.
I look back at the bed. The soft green sheets look clean and—The bathroom door opens, and a very naked Lick steps out, making all my thoughts come to a screeching halt.
He walks towards me as I do my best impression of a guppy. “Shower?”
Before I can say yes, no, or make an embarrassing squeak, he grabs the hem of the T-shirt I just realized he must have put me in and tugs it up my body. I lift my arms on reflex, and before I know it, the T-shirt is gone, and I’m naked too, except for my underwear.
My chest moves rapidly as my heart thunders behind my ribcage, anticipation riding me hard. The look Lick is throwing my way is enough to turn my resolve into a puddle. When he gets to his knees and slides the scrap of fabric covering my sex down my legs, all while he looks up at me like some kind of fallen angel, it’s game over.
Fuck my resolve.
18
Lick
Fuck going slow. I don’t know how to be anything other than myself around this woman, which is insane because I feel like I’m wearing a mask around most people these days. Seeing my dad soften towards her and Dot becoming her protector within moments of meeting her solidifies the impression that it’s not just me. She seems to have this ability to draw in those around her without even realizing she’s doing it.
