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“Assholes?” she asks with a grin, making me chuckle as I nod my head.
“Assholes indeed.”
Shaking off her melancholy, she returns to browsing the racks of baby clothes as I stare into space, trying not to burst into tears. I could blame the hormones. And if anyone asks, I will. I feel too stupid to admit that I’m in agony after a brief affair with a younger guy. People would laugh in my face or think it’s some kind of karma for not staying with my ex when he begged me to.
And honestly, I wonder if there is some truth to that. Either way, if it’s taught me one thing, it’s that I’m better off alone.
32
Lick
Ispin the coin on the table and watch it move, catching it before it falls over the ledge. I’m so absorbed in the mundane task that I don’t notice my father’s approach until he pulls out a seat beside me and folds his bulky frame into it.
“Our visitors will be here soon.”
I nod, letting him know that I hear him, and go back to spinning the coin. His hand slams over the coin, stopping it in its tracks. I look up at him and wait for him to say whatever it is that’s on his mind. I can see that he’s pissed. I don’t know if it’s with me, the whole situation, or how it’s all affecting the club.
“So, what’s your plan now?”
“Just waiting for you to tell me it’s time to go, and I’ll leave,” I admit.
He rubs his jaw with his hand, contemplating his next words. “If you go home now, will you even fucking try? Will you eat? Shower? Go back to work? I nearly lost my fucking son, and instead of being grateful he lived, I’m fucking terrified he won’t be able to find the strength to figure out this new normal and he’ll take himself from me.”
I swallow hard, seeing perhaps for the first time the damage my accident has done to someone other than me. “I won’t…That’s not something I’d ever do.”
“Yeah, well, a lot can change, you know that now better than anyone. But I refuse to let you get stuck in your fucking head and watch as life passes you by. Life you almost didn’t have. You wanna be mad at the world, be mad. But fucking use it to fuel you. Funnel it into something else, or it’s going to eat you alive.”
His words hit home, finally penetrating the wall I’ve built around myself. I hold myself rigid. I can’t look weak now. “I don’t know how to move on. Everyone seems to think I should just brush myself off, accept it, and get on with things. But nobody is telling me fucking how. You think I like being this pathetic excuse for a man? Most days, I want to punch my fucking self in the face, but this is where I am. A disappointment, and a fuck-up with a shit-ton of regrets and not a single prospect in life.”
“Is that really what you think?”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but the prospects let us in.”
We both turn at the woman’s voice, my mouth snapping shut when I get a look at her. She’s stunning with all that long dark hair and her toned body, but that’s not what has my interest. It’s the Chaos Demons patch she’s stitched to her cut, declaring her a patched member, and the blades she’s wearing where her lower legs should be.
“It’s no problem, we’ve been expecting you.” My father gets to his feet, and I take in the men standing beside her. On the left is Splinter, according to his patch. He’s tall and built and clearly involved with the woman, if the possessive way he’s standing next to her is anything to go by.
On her right is a guy I recognize—Knight. I met him a couple of years ago when we were over in the US visiting the mother chapter. He’d been there too, doing some business for his club.
Knight holds out his hand for my father. “I’m Knight. We’ve met before. This is Jinx.” He points to the woman. “And this is Splinter.”
My father shakes the hand offered. “Knuckles. And my son, Lick. Jameson mentioned you’re scouting for property?”
“More like locations. It’s still a decision that has the club divided over which way to go. Some think it will be better to open a few more chapters in the US first.”
“Like the Royal Bastards.” My father nods. “Well, if it helps, I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way of doing it. Though you’ll have fewer people able to jump ship and start over here if they’re needed back home, which means mostly starting from scratch.”
Splinter chuckles. “And that’s why we keep going backwards and forwards over it all.”
“How about I get you all a drink, and we can talk more.”
“Sounds good,” Knight says, heading towards the bar with Splinter and my father. He pauses when he realizes Jinx isn’t moving with him. “You coming, Jinx?”
“I’ll be there in a minute. Order me a Guinness.”
He grimaces but nods, his gaze dropping to mine with a warning in it. I almost ask him what he thinks I’m gonna do, but Jinx jumps in. “He’s always assessing the danger. Doesn’t matter that I could take most of you down before you even realize I’m a threat.”
I turn my head from Knight and focus on Jinx, who is now sitting in the chair my father vacated. “Is that right? Well, I don’t think he looks at me and sees danger.”
