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I tighten my grip on my stomach, trying to soak it all in, breaking apart a little. I can’t keep them safe out here, but my body isn’t protecting them in there either. By tomorrow, I won’t be able to fight for them anymore. They’ll have to fight for themselves, and that thought is perhaps what terrifies me most.

I don’t see the door open, too lost in my own world. I don’t realize anyone has entered until a familiar fragrance wraps itself around me. Fear and hope lock themselves around me like unyielding chains as I take in the man who, despite my best efforts, broke me in a way my husband never did.

“Emma,” he whispers, the sound coming out as a tortured plea.

It feels like a blow to the head, making me jerk back. I watch him walk towards the bed on legs he thought would never work again. “What are you doing here?” I hiss, hating that he’s seeing me so vulnerable, yet again.

“I came last night as soon as I heard, but they wouldn’t let me in. I waited until visiting hours⁠—”

“Yeah, well, you’re months too late. Go away, Lick. I don’t have the time or mental capacity to deal with your bullshit today.”

“No.”

I pick up the nearest thing to me—the TV remote—and throw it at his head. He ducks, and it crashes against the wall, the batteries popping out of the back and scattering across the floor in a dramatic fashion.

“Still not going anywhere.”

“Fuck you. Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here.”

“I know, and I deserve your anger⁠—”

“You think this is anger?” I choke out. “I closed up all the windows to my soul after Dan, but you pushed and pushed until I opened them up for you. I let the light in for the first time in years, only for you to throw rocks at me and shatter all the progress I’d made. This isn’t anger, Lick. This is pain. You think you have the market on that, but you don’t. You’re just a selfish prick. The only difference between you and my ex is he wore a suit instead of leather when he fucked me over.”

He’s silent for a moment, regret etched into every line of his face. “I’m so sorry. I forced you to leave so I didn’t become like him, taking everything from you and giving nothing in return. I wanted more than that for you.”

“I am not a fucking child. You do not get to decide what’s best for me. You think you gave me nothing. But what we had was everything to me. And you destroyed it with one kiss.”

“That was a mistake.”

“Mistakes still come with a price tag, Lick. God knows I’ve paid for mine. Now it’s time for you to pay for yours.”

He looks about to speak, but my head is throbbing, and I need him gone. I rub my temples. “Please, if you ever gave a single fuck about me, just go.”

He hesitates, his eyes taking in the obvious pain I’m in before he reluctantly nods. “I’ll go for now. But I’ll be back. I’m gonna fix this, Emma. I promise.”

“Fix what, Lick? We had our fun, but it’s over now. Everything that happened just proves we’re not right for each other.”

“You’re wrong.”

“You don’t know how much I wish that were true.”

We’re both silent for a moment before he runs his fingers through his hair.

“I’ll go for now, but I’m not giving up. I will never give up. You’re right, there is a price to pay for my mistakes, and that’s living with the knowledge that I cut you. But I swear, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that if you give me another chance, I’ll be the best damn mistake you ever made.”

38

Lick

Istep outside the room, unable to handle her silent tears anymore, as she stares at me.

I close the door and take the nearest seat, resting my elbows on my knees as I grab handfuls of hair. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, and now I’m having to deal with the consequences of those actions. She’s not wrong. All I could see was my fear, my pain, and though I had the best of intentions, I hurt us both in the end.

“Sir?”

I look up as a nurse with a frown approaches me. “Are you okay?”

“No. I’m not okay.” It sounds really fucking good to say it out loud. In here, I don’t have to put on an act. I don’t have to think about how a future president may be perceived. Here, the playing field is level because there are only two outcomes: celebrating or mourning.