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I head back up to Emma’s room, spotting the nurse from before as I pass the desk.
“I can give you five minutes alone, but then I’ll be in to prep her.”
“We’ll be ready, thank you.”
I push the door open and slip inside. Emma is crying softly. She lifts her head and swipes at her tears when she sees me, as if she’s embarrassed about being caught. I don’t let her give me any excuses. I walk over and tug her into my arms. She resists at first, but eventually collapses into me, gripping my shirt as she cries against my chest.
“I got you, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here every step of the way, holding your hand, keeping you safe. And when our baby comes into this world kicking and screaming, I’ll be right here, keeping them safe too. I know you don’t believe me, Emma, but it’s true. I won’t let anything on this earth take either of you from me.” She doesn’t reply, but she grips me tighter, as if I’m the only thing anchoring her in place.
When her tears finally dry, and her grip slackens, I realize she’s fallen asleep. Of course, that’s when the nurse walks in. I want to scream at her that we need more time, but I know it has to be this way.
Emma jolts, looking up at me with fear clouding her eyes. I cup her face and dip my hand, skating my lips over hers. “We’ve got this, Mama.”
“You promise?”
“I swear on my fucking life.” Because if she goes, I go too.
“Alright, time to get ready. I’ll talk you through what’s about to happen. But once we’re inside the operating room, things will move pretty swiftly. Once the baby is born, we’ll clean him up, make sure he’s doing okay, and check his APGAR score before whisking him off to the NICU. All standard procedure, so nothing at all for you to worry about.”
That’s easy for her to say. It’s not her whole world at risk here. I nod along regardless, not wanting to miss anything important.
Emma trembles in my arms. I look down just as her eyes roll into the back of her head and her whole body starts convulsing.
“Help me!” I yell at the nurse who is rushing over, hitting the wall alarm as she goes.
“Sir, I need you to step back.”
“I can’t. I need—”
“You need to move now so I can help her. Trust me to do my job,” she says, without any room for argument.
Knowing when to back down, I take a step back as the doors open and the room is swarmed with people. Before I know it, I’m backed against the wall, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Someone yells that her BP has dropped, and she stopped breathing.
I stop breathing along with her, my legs giving out as I slide down the wall to the floor, praying to any god that will listen not to take them from me. I feel hands on my arms, shaking me, making my head snap back.
“We’re taking her into surgery now.”
“I’m coming.”
“Sir—”
“I promised her. Neither you nor anyone here will make me break that promise.”
She hesitates for a beat before yanking me to my feet with surprising strength. “Let’s get you suited up. You do what you’re told when you’re in there, do you understand? You try to play the hero and get in the way, and I will drag you out myself.
“I won’t get in the way,” I vow.
It’s all go after that. If you asked me afterward what happened between Emma seizing and the surgeon cutting her open, I couldn’t tell you. She didn’t know I was there, but I held her hand anyway. I held her so damn tight, not wanting to risk her slipping away. I needed her here with me, dammit. Our baby needed her.
I look over when I hear shouting. A tiny bundle is being carried to a small table just out of my sight so doctors can work on them. I wait for the sound I’ve been dying to hear, the seconds stretching into minutes before I look at the nurse who spoke to me before.
“Why aren’t they crying?”
“They’re working on him, sir.”
“Him? I have a son?” I choke out as the machines around me start going crazy.
“I need to get this bleeding under control! Get him out of here!” the surgeon yells.