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That isn't us anymore.
The beast had a point. I couldn't remember who I'd been before all of this, but the flashes I'd gotten were just enough to prove to me I wasn't that person anymore. Trying to think of myself as Seth felt wrong, like sand grating against my skin. Typhon was the name Quinn had given us, the one we'd called ourselves as we fell in love with him.
"I don't think I'm Seth anymore," I said slowly, trying to find the words to explain what was going on in my head. "That person is gone. I'd prefer Typhon. It feels right. It feels like us."
It didn't come close to what I was feeling, but it must have been enough, because Quinn nodded. "If you ever change your mind, let me know, okay?"
That made it sound like Quinn planned to be around for awhile. Sighing quietly, I closed my eyes and leaned into him, hugging him again. There were still so many unanswered questions and my future was an uncertain one, but for just a moment, I could breathe.
"We're being rude to Ori," I whispered, the realization hitting out of nowhere once I let myself relax. I started to sit up and pull away, but Quinn chuckled and shook his head.
"They left a little while ago. After they said they'd help us find your friend. I think Ori knew we needed some time alone."
That was a relief. As much as I liked Ori and considered them a good friend, I didn't have it in me to deal with anyone but Quinn. With everyone else, there was always a subtle pressure in the back of my mind to reassure them I was fine and in control. I remembered their fear from the day they'd first seen the beast in the woods, the disgust and horror at how unnatural that body seemed to them, and I didn't want to see it again. Maybe they'd be more willing to accept us now that they knew the human side of me, but there was no way to be sure.
It was different with Quinn. Everything was different with him, but especially this. He'd known us as the beast first and cared about us anyway. He'd seen the thing Krenshaw had made us and tended our wounds. Despite his initial fear, he'd brought us food and given us a safe place to take shelter while we recovered. He was the first one who looked at us without revulsion, something I could never truly repay him for.
Exhaustion clawed at me as the day finally caught up to me, and I closed my eyes again. Despite doing nothing but sitting on the couch all day, I was suddenly so tired my bones ached. I'd gotten too used to every day being the same while I recovered, especially given my mind's unwillingness to release any of my memories, so the sudden whiplash of Ori's visit sent me reeling.
"Um… Typhon? I don't think you're supposed to do that yet," Quinn said and I felt him shift backward in my lap. Only then did I realize that the ache in my bones wasn't just in my mind. It spread through my muscles, from the tips of my toes to my arms and fingers. My skin tingled, like there was an itch under the surface, and too late I recognized the feeling. It was how I'd felt in the few seconds before I'd changed shape into the beast the day Quinn was taken.
You are tired. Rest. I will watch Quinn.
I'd never heard the beast sound so calm, and that gave me the confidence to allow him to take over. We'd never worked together on the change before. It'd always been sudden, uncontrolled, fueled by pain or panic. Now it was a gentle but unstoppable wave, sweeping away my humanity and leaving the beast behind.
Quinn scrambled off our lap, but only to sit on the couch while we moved to the floor, giving us more room to change.
"I'm pretty sure Lelo wanted you to wait a little longer," he murmured, but he said it with a soft smile. "Just be careful, alright? Don't hurt yourself."
Our mate loves us. The beast was purring, a low, gentle rumble that immediately attracted the attention of the house's other residents. Romulus looked up from his warm spot by the fire, ears perked as he observed us in our larger, more dangerous form. He looked to Quinn, then back to us, then laid his head back down on his paws. He could still see us, but for the first time, he didn't growl and posture at us.
"Good boy, Rom," Quinn said, smiling when the dog's tail thumped happily on the hardwood floor. The smile turned to a laugh when four kittens came tumbling into the living room. They'd grown in the last few weeks, going from tiny balls of fluff to gangly, rambunctious agents of chaos. That's what Quinn called them, anyway. He hadn't had any luck finding families willing to adopt the brothers in pairs and it was looking more and more like Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D'Artagnan were going to become permanent residents of the little cabin.
There were a few near misses as they climbed on us, but Quinn grabbed them before they could step on the still-healing injuries on our legs. We didn't dare look at our wings. The right one, the one the other chimera had ripped into during our escape, twinged with pain every time we moved it and it felt weaker than the other. After everything we'd learned today, we couldn't handle more bad news. It would wait.
"Are you okay?" Quinn asked once the kittens had settled against our sides, lulled by the gentle purring. "Lelo mentioned she was worried you'd agitate the wounds if you shifted, but I don't see any blood."
They felt the same in either form, and there was no new pain, so we nodded. Quinn shifted by our head, relaxing back into the couch. Rom immediately got up and came to join us, curling up on the other side of Quinn with his head on Quinn's thigh. We followed suit, sighing with contentment when our mate stroked our head in much the same way he did for Rom.
A calm silence filled the house as we rested. The fireplace crackled and popped, its gentle golden warmth soothing us almost as much as Quinn's touch. The small pile of kittens purred and snorted and twitched against our side, tiny creatures that should have been prey but who were instead part of our pack. It was an unusual pack, just us and our mate and his animals, even Hash Brown, the obstinate mule, but it was ours, and we would do anything to keep it.
Flickers of memories pierced the soothing calm of our mind. Our human side rested, dreaming of the sun-warmed golden fur of the Other. We couldn't remember their human face or what they'd looked like before becoming a monster like us, but our chest ached whenever either of us thought of him. Grief was a human emotion, but we felt it now. We didn't remember these people we'd made into a family, but it still hurt to know we'd lost them.
We will find them and bring them into the pack.
With our other side half-asleep, it was easy to calm him with words, and his dreams became gentler. His fears would return when he woke, the worry that we would never find out what had happened to our old pack, but for now, he needed the rest. He would realize soon enough that I was right: we would find any who remained and bring them into our strange little pack.
"It's going to be okay, you know," Quinn murmured, like he'd plucked the thoughts from our mind. "Once you're healed up, we're going to get this figured out."
We nuzzled closer, sighing our contentment. Another thing I was right about was that Quinn truly was our perfect mate. He understood us and what we needed in ways no one ever could. From the first time we'd caught his scent, we'd known he was ours, and this just proved it. He still doubted us sometimes, I could smell it on him, and from what he'd told us of his last relationship, we couldn't hold it against him.
For a moment, the thought of finding the person who'd laid hands on Quinn and making him pay filtered into our mind. It skipped past the sleeping human mind, coming straight to me with no human logic or trepidation to slow me down. I didn't know his face or his scent, but to my mind's eye, he was a small, pathetic man, one who could only make himself feel strong by dominating those he saw as weaker than him. He'd foolishly believed our Quinn to be prey, and for that, I would make him suffer. He did not deserve a quick, clean death.
Our blood burned hotter at the thought of what I would do to him, but the moment our body tensed, pain shot through our limbs, ripping through those gauzy thoughts and leaving only this moment. Unfortunately, revenge would have to wait, but it would come for him. I would make sure of it.
I made no noise, but our Quinn knew us too well and began stroking our head again, whispering soothing nonsense. It calmed the anger burning in our belly until it was a smoldering ember, just waiting for a chance to burst to life once our body healed.
This day had been a strange one, to put it mildly. Learning of our past, that we'd had a pack of sorts before finding Quinn… we'd hoped we had a family before becoming this, but we'd never thought they might have ended up like us. Were they truly like us, with two distinct minds sharing a body? Did they work together or were they battling for control? Or maybe there was only one mind. Our only solid memories were of the two of us together and the idea of being alone in my own mind sounded unappealing.