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“Oh, yeah,” I laughed.
“And then you came home and said a silver fox priest’s ass shouldn’t be that firm. I believe you said something about bouncing a quarter off it next time.”
“Shut up, Pan.”
“I don’t think he said anything, but he’s probably just as confused as to why you spanked a priest as we were.”
“No, I can appreciate a nice ass.”
I shot Pan a withering glare. Most of the time, he kept the mental commentary to a minimum when I was having a conversation with someone who didn’t know about him.
“I was trying to get the four of you to leave so I could do my job. I know we disagree on the fundamentals of getting a demon out of someone, but do you know why? Have you tried asking?”
“Because you don’t believe in God?”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“No. Because your exorcism are hard on the host. You chalk it up to collateral damage when they die, but they don’t have to. There are ways to get a demon out of someone without all that drama. Even if there was just one demon at the Airbnb, they were shot by the cops. If you did your thing, the demon would be gone and the human would be dead. If I did mine, I can get the demon out and possibly get them to the hospital and save them.”
“Wait, what? No one told us that. There’s an easier way?”
“Yeah. And it just involves salt and some plants. Basically, if it was common for that many demons to get out at once and I knew what was inside that house, I could banish all of them with way less drama than all of you have with one demon.”
“Isn’t it demonic to do it that way?”
“No. If you need to look at it a different way, we are using nature. If you believe your God created this planet and everything in it, then we are just using the tools he provided. Think about it. Is it demonic to use Citronella to keep mosquitoes away? Or use white willow bark for a headache or arnica or sore muscles? I just watched you smoke a bowl.”
Saul was nodding like he got it. I don’t know how many Flame members had this kind of conversation with someone like Saul, but I felt like I was getting through to him. Then again, I didn’t think there were many priests like him.
“That makes sense. I suppose it’s your intent. Who are you invoking when you do it?”
“No one. You know how some people are allergic to peanuts or seafood? Some people can’t handle certain scents because it gives them migraines or makes them nauseated. It’s not demonic or witchcraft. We’re using substances that are either toxic or intolerable, depending on what we’re dealing with.”
And I wasn’t sharing a damned thing with him about toxic substances for supernaturals because his team didn’t differentiate between good and evil. I’d be willing to tell them how to get a demon out of a body with herbs they couldn’t stand if they’d quit doing exorcisms how they were doing them.
“That’s fascinating. You get the demons out by irritating them with plants? How do you get them back to Hell instead of jumping into a new body?”
“Salt. You make a salt barrier. Salt is a pure substance that doesn’t really change or break down. You can use it to halt decay. It keeps demons and spirits out and if you twist Caleb’s panties up a bit sprinkling it around wherever you’re staying, I want to hear about it.”
“I annoy him in my own way, thank you very much.”
“Fascinating. I want to know everything.”
Saul shook his head and mimed zipping his lips.
“A man has to have some secrets. If he agrees to meet with you, I’d appreciate you not spilling what you saw here.”
“So he can stop you? Fuck no. That might be my new kink.”
I hid my smile when Saul furiously blushed. Even his ears were red. I didn’t need or want to torment this one. He was open-minded and heard me out with zero judgement. He seemed fascinated with the differences in how our organization handled things and didn’t open his mouth once to tell me his methods were superior.
I really wanted to get my hands on their lore texts, but I’d settle for figuring out the mystery of why every few decades, a bunch of demons would escape at once.
Hopefully, that tight ass Caleb was willing to bend the rules to help me figure out what was going on.
Saul was getting up to whatever he got up to when he disappeared. He always came back reeking of marijuana and women’s perfume, but he was always brimming with information. Caleb let him get away with it because he said Jesus hung out with sinners too and his information always checked out. It probably saved our lives a few times.
He was usually in a good mood when he got back, but he was always in a good mood. I may have had to have said penance a few times for confessing I’d like to smother him with a pillow in his sleep sometimes. Could he have a bad day like everyone else for once? It wasn’t normal.
