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We lingered at the table for almost another hour before Moira stood and announced the end of our meeting. I was invited back to next week’s club for a historical romance about ley lines and time travel. I eagerly agreed and Nadine promised to have a copy waiting for me the next time I made it into town.

Moira hugged me hard before I left, making me promise to call if I needed anything at all. Tommy gave me a wink and a grin before I headed back outside into the cold toward my car. Wolfe trailed after me, steps silent over the gravel.

We didn’t speak the entire way back to Kilmorran, but I heard him thinking.

I learned about each of the women at the table—the stressors of their jobs, the demands they faced, the true levels of friendship they felt for each other. Even back at home, I wasn’t sure any of my friendships were ever like that.

Except for Marissa.

She started as my agent but very quickly the bond between us began to shift and change. She knew me better than I knew myself most days. We knew the intimate details of each other’s lives and showed up for each other on the hard days and yet, anytime she asked me to grab drinks or dinner, I always declined.

Why was I so afraid of letting her see the dark and lonely parts of me?

I’d spent my life living in it.

Maybe this was my way of protecting people from it. Keeping my distance meant that they’d never be able to look too deep and see someone who’d been abandoned and left behind in every way that mattered.

Silently, I exited the car. Wolfe met me at the door and together we walked inside Kilmorran. There was a question in his eyes and I shook my head, fishing my phone out of my bag instead.

It was just about six back in New York and I brought my phone to my ear before I could talk myself out of it. What Moira had here… I wanted that. I wanted connection and family and people who knew me. I wanted to laugh and drink wine and feel alive in every possible way.

Marissa answered on the first ring, her breathless “Hello” fluttering down the line.

“Hey.”

“What’s going on?” she asked. Music played in the background. “Isn’t it late over there?”

“Yeah, yeah it is. Listen,” I began, voice trembling. “I haven’t been a good friend to you and I’m—I’m sorry.” Silence greeted me. I frowned, pulling my phone away from my ear. “Riss?”

“Sorry,” she said, sounding startled. “Sorry. I’m here. What—are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” I assured. “I just—I think I’m…I don’t know. I realized that I’ve been aloof and hard to reach and I’m trying to change that.”

Wolfe looked up across the room, fire flickering at his feet. He gave me an encouraging nod.

“I wanted to see—when I get back, that is—if you’d want to go get a drink with me?”

Another long pause, then a screech. “FINALLY!” Marissa bellowed. “Oh, Av. I would love that! Where do you want to go? I hear there’s this really unique lounge that disappears and is super hard to find but I can put our names in? See if we get picked?”

I laughed, chest pinching with affection. “That sounds perfect. I really am sorry. It was never my intention, really, I just—”

“You don’t need to explain. Your parents taught you to rely only on yourself. I get it. I’m just glad you’re asking now.”

I exhaled unevenly, wishing I could hug her. “Good. How’s New York? Anything new that I’ve been missing?”

We caught up for about twenty minutes and not once did she ask about my book or my progress. We spoke only as friends and another tight knot in the mess that was my heart unraveled, spinning away into freedom.

My next breath felt lighter, cleaner.

I was looking forward to it. I wanted to talk with her and laugh, hear all about her favorite books and who she was dating. I’d done nothing but a disservice to myself over these last years. Keeping to myself meant that I could never know anyone else.

I couldn’t think of anything sadder than that.

Wolfe took a seat by the fire, elbows braced on his knees.

I was feeling brave tonight.

Alive.