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"The first time was four days after the ritual chamber. You were asleep at the Greywoods' house." Danika spoke with the detached precision she used when reading Council reports, as though facts became less dangerous if she arranged them properly. "I sifted into the room and stood at the foot of your bed for two hours. The second was the following Tuesday, on the road, when your friend Sasha was driving toward that gate and everything around you was usefully chaotic."
She paused, and I found myself staring at the desk.
"The third was Thursday morning. Here. Before you failed to appear." Her gaze dropped briefly to the book beneath her hands. "I had everything I needed laid out and ready, and a buyer waiting on a line I have used for forty years."
My stomach dropped.
I could picture it too easily. My grandmother standing behind the desk with the same calm expression she wore while discussing coven business, waiting for me to walk through the door.
"Three times I had the opportunity, the means, and every reason to proceed," she continued. "Three times, Hazel, I could not do it."
I dragged my attention from the book on her desk back to her. "Couldn't. Not you wouldn't."
"Wouldn't is a decision. I am not in the habit of being unable to do things." There was enough irritation in the statement that, under different circumstances, I might have laughed. "And before you mistake this for evidence of a conscience, don't. I would have completed the transaction if I could. I would have slept peacefully afterward, and I have never once pretended otherwise to you."
Strangely, hearing her say that helped.
I didn't want some softer version of Danika invented because the truth had become inconvenient. I wanted the woman who had raised me, even if I still occasionally wanted to strangle her.
"What happened?" My hand waved impatiently between us, hurrying her along. "Let's hear all of it."
"The transaction would not complete. Not once. Your soul cannot be offered to a contract by me." Her hands unfolded on the desk. "Something has forbidden it. I have spent every hour since trying to discover what has that kind of authority over your soul, and I have failed."
Danika Byrne admitting failure should probably have cracked the earth open.
Instead, it cracked something open in my head.
A kitchen on a Tuesday. A twenty-two-year-old woman writing that she had made an arrangement with her eyes open. A soul reaching Charon's bank with nothing left to offer because every memory, every piece of herself, had already been spent.
My mother had paid everything.
For four days I had been trying to understand what anyone could possibly buy at that price. I'd been looking for something enormous enough to justify it, something complicated enough to require every piece of Lyra Byrne.
Maybe the answer wasn't complicated at all.
"My mother made an arrangement."
Danika's eyes snapped to my face and sharpened on me.
"She wrote about it. She said she chose it with her eyes open, on a Tuesday, in the kitchen of her apartment." My voice sounded too quiet for what was happening inside me. "Charon told us she reached the riverbank with nothing left. No memories. No pieces of herself. Nothing he could take as payment because she had already spent all of herself."
I stopped.
Danika watched me for a long moment. "Tell me the rest."
Everyone who had ever looked at me had put a price on what I was. Danika had measured it. The Council had voted on it. Something with no name had posted three words on a network board to claim it.
My mother had known what I was worth before any of them, and she'd spent herself making sure nobody could collect.
"She made sure I couldn't be sold." A laugh came out of me with no humor in it at all.
Danika's face changed, and it wasn't surprise. It was as if something finally clicked into place in her head. "Yes," she said quietly. "I believe she did."
My grandmother put her face in her hands.
The gesture was so unlike her that for a moment I forgot what I had just discovered. Danika Byrne did not fold in on herself. She did not hide her face. She certainly did not allow witnesses when something like that happened.
Yet there she was.