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“Yeah, she’s a psycho like that,” I joke, and he laughs. “But you’re right. I haven’t known her for very long, but she is really in her element when she’s planning.”

Tom is about to reply when Robin appears next to us breathlessly.

“Hayden, I might’ve jinxed it.”

I give her a questioning look.

“Your mom is here.”

Chapter 32

Hayden

I whip my head in the direction she’s pointing, and I see my mother wandering through the crowd alone. Even from a distance I can tell she’s tense, her hands gripping the strap of her purse tightly.

When our eyes meet, she stops for a second before slowly approaching us. I get up to greet her, awkwardly standing in front of her.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” I say, sounding a tad too aggressive. “I mean, we weren’t expecting you.”

She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “I was invited,” she finally chokes out. “Can we talk somewhere private?”

I exchange a look with Robin, and she nods encouragingly. She squeezes my hand and sits down to engage Tom in a conversation. I can tell my girlfriend is nervous, and I don’t blame her. All the encounters with my family she’s witnessed so far have ended in disaster.

“There’s a picnic bench over by the other end,” I say, pointing to the other side of the park. “We can go there.”

Neither of us talk as we walk away from the party and to the other end of the park. It’s dark here, with none of our string lights illuminating this side of the park. We sit on the bench, the music from the funeral playing faintly in the distance.

My mother looks defeated and miserable. As mad as I am at her, I still can’t stand seeing her this way.

“You wanted to talk?” My tone is gentle this time.

“Yes,” she says quietly. “I came to say I’m sorry. I cannot believe what your father said to you at the gala. I was too scared to say anything that night. Too shocked really. I’ve never heard him say––I mean, he never wants to talk about you.” She darts her gaze away, as if embarrassed by that admission. “I didn’t know why you left. At least not until I figured it out at the gala. I didn’t know up until then that you knew about … them.”

I simply nod, trying to keep the anger inside of me at bay.

“You started acting out at sixteen, and you kept disappearing and avoiding us all. You started to spend all your time at the garage, and sometimes you didn’t come home at all. When you left after high school, I assumed it was because you hated us all, and maybe you did, but I didn’t know there was a reason. I thought it was typical puberty behavior. I didn’t know it was because of your father’s affair. But when you spoke to him at the gala, I put it all together.”

We sit in silence for a moment. I’m not sure what to say. It doesn’t really change anything. She stayed with my piece of shit father and didn’t care enough to ask me to come back.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her eyes watering now. “The easiest way to deal with your absence was to just … I had to sort of ignore it and push that part down.”

My breath hitches. Basically, she’s saying that she dealt with my absence by trying to forget that I exist. It’s not something a child wants to hear from their parent.

“I don’t know what to say,” I answer honestly. “Thanks for explaining your reasoning, but it doesn’t change anything, does it?”

“I came here to apologize and tell you that I want a relationship with you. I want to be in your life.” A tear trickles down her face.

I swallow down the lump in my throat, trying to ignore the pressure behind my eyes.

“You don’t have to answer right now. And I know it will take some time. I disappointed you.” She looks so sad I can barely look at her.

“Okay,” I say slowly. “We can try.”

She gives me a small smile. “Thank you.”

I’m not sure I can forgive her right away. I don’t even know how to have a relationship with my mother anymore. I understand that she didn’t have the full picture of why I left, but ten years went by and she didn’t ask. But she’s also my mom, and I missed her.

“Can I ask you something?” The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them, and she nods. “How come you were okay with dad abandoning a child?”