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I’ve never in my wildest dreams desired to be on a motorcycle. In fact, I have been very anti-motorcycle my whole life, and said no anytime he offered a ride. Those machines are literal death traps. But then I went to the Thunder Rally with Hayden, and while he was drawn to all the bikes, I was drawn to him and his utter excitement for them.

That’s why I asked him today if he could teach me how to ride. I have no intention of ever really riding a motorcycle, but I’d like to get over my fear of sitting on them at least. I’d like to see what he loves so much about them.

Oh, and I desperately want a distraction to keep me from spiraling about the funeral later this afternoon.

Luckily, my street is peacefully empty at ten in the morning on a Saturday. So here we are.

He’s currently teaching me how to properly sit and where to put my legs and explaining everything about the handlebars. There are so many parts to it, and it’s highly confusing.

He notices my dismay and squeezes my shoulder. “Hey, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll do everything. All you have to do is hold on. I’ll do the rest.”

I nod, nausea bubbling up inside of me.

“Let me get settled and crank up the engine. Then you can sit in front of me,” he says gently.

He hops on the bike with ease, and within moments, the rumble of the engine reverberates down the street.

“Come sit,” he says, patting the spot in front of him.

I hesitate for a moment and then awkwardly swing my right leg over the bike and shift around onto the seat.

“Get comfortable,” he pipes up.

“Sure,” I say dryly, but the feel of his body behind me comforts me.

“I got you, Robs. Now place your hands on the handlebars.”

I do as I am told, feeling his arms around me as he places his hands on top of mine. I exhale, feeling less nervous with him wrapped so closely around me.

“We’ll go slow, and we’ll only go down the street, alright? If something feels off, we stop right away. You ready, love?”

“No, but let’s do it before I change my mind,” I say with a weak chuckle.

“It’ll be fun,” he says, and then we take off.

He’s not wrong. I’m terrified for the first few seconds, but as soon as my nervous system realizes that we’re safe, I loosen up. I try to enjoy how the light breeze grazes over my skin while my whole body vibrates on the bike. It’s kind of exhilarating, and I try to imagine what it feels like for Hayden when he cruises around at full speed.

Too soon we’re at the end of my block, and we briefly have to stop to let a red sedan pass us.

“You good?” Hayden says behind me.

“I didn’t die, so yes? How do we turn around?”

“Do you want to go around the block, or do you want to go back down on your street?”

“Fuck it, let’s go around the block.”

“That’s my girl,” he says, and we carefully navigate around the block until we get back to my house.

I’m about to ask if we can go again, the adrenaline still pumping through my veins, when I notice who’s leaning against the red car that just passed us minutes ago.

What the hell?

Hayden cuts the engine, and I’m off the bike in a heartbeat.

“Mom?” I say, pulling the helmet off my head and trying to fix my hair.

“I thought that was you.”