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That didn’t look good. Kate hadn’t known what to expect when she would say this, but she’d hoped it would be more than an unpleasant surprise.
“I love you, Ian,” she said. “I’m staying to make sure you recover, then I’ll go to help Mandy and Jax and prepare everything for my departure. And then I’m coming back to you—forever.”
Something like a deep shock flashed through his face. “Ye love me?”
He was glad to hear it! A smile bloomed on Kate’s face. “I love you. So much.”
But his jaw tensed, his mouth curving downward. “Nae. Nae, Katie. Ye dinna love me. Ye canna love me.”
“Don’t tell me what I can or cannot do,” Kate said playfully. “That’s how I feel.”
He turned and looked at the ceiling. “Ye’re wrong. Ye canna stay with me forever. Ye must leave. I told ye, ye’re a burden—”
She shook her head and sat up on the bed, anger burning in her veins. “No, I’m not a burden. I just saved your life, buddy. That’s not a burden. Saying I’m a burden is a load of crap, and you know it.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, then turned to her, resolve in his eyes.
“I canna be with ye, Kate.”
She almost flinched at those words. They were like needles driven under her skin.
“And why not now?” she asked.
“Look at me. I’m a killer. A slave. A tool in the hands of powerful men.”
He sounded as if he’d swallowed a toad and it was still stuck in his throat. He sighed and turned away from her. Kate’s heart bled.
“You’re not those things to me,” she said. “I don’t know a stronger man, a braver—”
“The truth is simple, Kate. After what was done to me, after what I’ve become, I canna give ye the love ye deserve. I even tried to kill ye in my sleep.”
Kate shook her head. “I refuse to believe that. It’s not true. You are already giving me more than anyone has given me in my whole life.”
“Nae, sweet. There’s this bottomless crack in my soul that awakes nightmares and eats me alive. And it will eat ye alive, too. Mayhap, even kill ye one night. I canna be someone who does that to ye.”
Kate clenched her fists. Hope was slipping from her grasp quickly. So quickly, when it had just been within reach. “But I’m broken, too, Ian. I know what that is. I’m the same.”
He nodded and turned to her. His face looking deathly. “’Tis exactly why ye must leave. Why ye canna be with me. Because together, neither of us will heal. I will never be whole again, and you have every chance in the world. Go back.”
Kate reached out, but he shifted back. His gaze hardened. “Go.”
The bed seemed to sway, to careen like a ship on the waves, and the whole world darkened and lost color. Twisting pain grabbed her gut, wrenching her. Bile rose in her throat. She couldn’t believe this was it. He really didn’t want to be with her.
“But you said you loved me—” she heard her voice crack.
“Go,” he said again, louder, as if she were a stray dog.
“Ian—”
“Go!” he yelled.
Spooked, Kate backed up off the bed and stood awkwardly, almost falling. There was no longer any love in his eyes. There was only the bottomless darkness of a cruel man who took lives and survived the best way he could.
There was no place for Kate in his life.
Once again, she was unwanted, imposing, unneeded.
Except, she wasn’t.
