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“I shouldna have…” Owen said.

She sat up, too, gathering the blanket and clutching it to her chest. He couldn’t bear to look into her eyes. Fear gripped his heart. This distraction might ruin any chance of a successful battle tomorrow. Now that he’d tasted this woman, knew what it was like to lie with her, to have her trembling and shaking from pure pleasure around him, he never wanted this to stop.

He knew he couldn’t afford to let his feeling guide any of his decisions. He couldn’t trust himself. His heart and his head always led him in two different directions.

“Why?” she said, hurt tight in her voice. “Was it bad?”

He turned to her. “Bad? That was the closest I’ve ever felt to God.”

Her expression was part surprise, part understanding, part wonder.

“Then why?” she said on an exhale.

“Because I ken now just like I ken that the sun will rise on the morn that one time with ye will never be enough.”

Amber inhaled a shaky breath. “Then what’s the problem? I don’t want us to stop at one time, either.”

Owen slouched and ran his fingers through his hair. “My whole life, every mistake I’ve ever made was because I’ve let my cock lead me. I canna allow it now, not when the king himself has appointed me to lead his troops.”

“That’s all I am to you?” she said, her voice breaking from hurt. “A distraction? Something your cock can’t resist?”

She may as well have just stabbed him with a knife right in his heart.

“Nae, mo chridhe.” No, my heart. “Ye’re so much more. Ye’re everything.”

Her eyes widened. She inhaled shakily again and moved closer to him, just an inch.

“But ’tis precisely the problem. My heart is full with ye. And when my heart is full, and my cock throbs, my head stops working. I need my head tomorrow. I need my head to be a clear.”

She groaned. “But it doesn’t need to be like this. People love. They can be happy with someone and still focus.”

“Lass…”

She covered his forearm with her hand. “I can help you focus. We can be each other’s support systems.”

Owen’s heart ached. How he wished he believed this could be true. How he wished he could have everything—to have Amber and be the man he wanted to be. He reached for her and cupped her face, her bonnie, perfect skin like flower petals against his fingers.

But that was simply impossible for him. A life where he was a responsible leader and had the woman he loved in his arms was only a dream.

“’Tis good that ye leave tomorrow, lass. And I’m sorry if I hurt ye. But we canna be together. If I want to be a leader worthy of my king’s trust, a leader my clan deserves, I canna let my feelings for ye cloud my judgment.” He shook his head. “Based on my previous mistakes, that can be lethal.”

He thought of Kenneth, of Lachlan, of his grandfather. Of so many more lives lost in the feud with the MacDougalls.

“Owen…”

But before she could say something to change his mind, he stood, pulling his breeches up, then his tunic and his shoes.

“Too much is at stake, Amber. The king’s life, the lives of my clansmen. Your life.”

Amber stood and wrapped the blanket around herself, her shoulders and her arms still bare. God, she had the most beautiful, sculpted shoulders, the muscles on her biceps clearly defined in a feminine way. He itched to brush his tongue along them.

That was exactly why he couldn’t stay.

Amber’s eyes filled with hurt. “You know what, Owen. Go. Whatever. I never should have said anything about loving you. Now you feel like you’ve won, don’t you?”

Owen frowned. “Won?”

“Yeah. Won. Got the girl. Because all you have are bullshit excuses. You’ve always been a player, haven’t you? All you wanted was a piece of ass from another time, am I right?”