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“But they could be the infantry of his army, yeah?”
“Yeah, but let’s get down to business, young man. Where’d ya wanna go, visit yer sista’ like the last time?”
“Oh, no. I’d rather go to Fairyland this time. She bitched be out about my bland choice in fashion the whole visit. Papa was there too, but he didn’t do anything ’bout it.” Every looks sad now, pink lip is pouting and eyes droopy like a sad puppy, and he continues.
“All he cares about are his new wife and new kids nowadays. Damn, I sure feel left out. Ya know what, old man? Last summer, at our vacation house in Miami, he only stayed with his toddlers at the infinity pool. He even gave them a set of flamingo floaties. Each. And when I asked him for a set too, he told me to go up to the beach to get a better tan. Papa literally insulted my perfect tan. Aw, shit, I’m rambling.”
“Look, young man, I might not agree with yer papa’s choice in chicks, but this time, he sure is right.”
Bored to death with Every, Elmo and Elma wave their hands above their heads in a circular motion, an ancient signal that brings forth an even more ancient wormhole gate, whatever that means. Light flashes and thunder rages.
“Now fuck off, young lovers,” Elma cackles from beside her husband.
CHAPTER 6: A GRACELESS DISGRACE
Lily blinks.
What the fuck. With the little common sense she had, she had expected what Every said about gate portals to be like the random exaggerated shit he is always spouting out—fake. Welp, turns out it is real, and Lily had lived two whole decades without even knowing about its existence, not that it would have made any difference to her upbringing if she did.
Although an intrusive thought tells her that this whole thing might just be a deliberate scheme by her boyfriend, and the scene in front of her is just an LED screen. But he wouldn’t think she is that stupid, yeah? Nah, he totally would. She’s pretty sure that even though he finds her pretty, he still pretty much views her as one hell of a dumb bitch.
Poor, poor Lily.
Which is, of course, untrue. Not that Lily-girl—different from other girls—knows this. In fact, dear readers, Every gazes upon her with such admiration, such affection, that he firmly believes her to be one of the smartest he’s ever met (except for his papa, his Superman, of course), to possess one of the brightest, most brilliant minds.
He simply calls her stupid from time to time as an adoring nickname.
Wow.
Too bad Lily ain’t got even one confident bone in her body.
And Every is a mean ole’ bitch.
Because in order to qualify as a love interest, he has to be a morally grey, edgy, brooding bad boy.
Like right now, that he is totally ignoring her for the view in front of him. After half a minute of silence, he remembers her existence. “Look,” he says shortly, gesturing to the space before them.
Turns out, they are standing atop a little hill, in front of the same holiday hut from the landfill. Flowing down from the top is a dark brown river of mud—which Lily suspects to be chocolate—running through. If that’s true, then they could as well use it to eliminate hunger and poverty in her town.
Wow, magical.
It runs down to the valley below, winding through a bustling town of butterfly-winged people not unlike those from a Christmas village fairy tale book, not that Lily the Unintellectual has ever read one. The little houses are stacked side by side, with identical roofs that literally are oversized dried budget cracker slabs.
One of the roofs in the distance cracks from a sudden gust of wind, sliding down the sloped wall and crashing onto the multicolored candy cobblestone street below. Once a roof, tiny pieces of stale beige crackers shatter, and much to Lily’s surprise, a whole crowd of passersby forms around the wreckage. The people scavenge for the stale crumbs, their eagerness to grab a morsel rivaling Lily’s when she was eight and hadn’t eaten for three days when she got lost on her way home.
Bad times.
But whatever, let’s not talk about that.
Lily scrunches her nose quirkily. “Aren’t they aware of the dangers of diarrhea?”
“’Course they are,” her man answers. “We sure get it from time to time. But that’s what the pharmacy downtown is for.”
“Huh.”
“Oh, and I almost forgot, but welcome to Fairyland. Us folks here are fairies, if you can’t tell. Let’s go down.”
“On who?”
