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I didn’t have the first clue what was in the box, but my heart thumped double time as I swatted the elf to the floor and took the package. I didn’t bother carefully removing the tape to save the crisp black paper with tiny gold roses over it. I ripped that stuff clean off—and gasped.

A dildo.

A vibrating dildo.

Eight inches long and shaped like a kraken’s peen.

I dropped the box on the bed and stifled a scream by slapping my hands over my mouth. I’d seen such things late night doom scrolling, but there was now one on my bed.

“I’m going to kill him!”

The nerve of the masked man! It wasn’t bad enough that he broke into Nonna’s house and made a flipping mess, but he thought it was funny to leave me dirty presents while I slept?

Oh, saints above! He was in my room.

While I was asleep.

I ran a hand over the bird’s nest that was my hair, knowing that the air in here was dry enough that I probably had snored. At least there wasn’t dried saliva on my chin. So hopefully, I hadn’t drooled too. My rock concert sleeper shirt wasn’t very cute, and why the hell was I categorizing how I looked? It didn’t matter! I’d been asleep, and this man, whoever he was, had come into my space. It didn’t matter that he was a friend of my grandmother’s or that she’d given him a key. This was too far!

He crossed a line.

A monster cock.

Heat rushed to my cheeks as I flipped the box over. Why did he pick this one? Of all the shapes, sizes, and styles, why this? As if controlled by puppet strings, I broke the seal and opened the lid. The silicone toy flopped in my lap, still in the plastic wrap. It was even uglier than the picture on the box.

My rational brain tried to fire on half its cylinders as I processed the horrible gift.

I pulled it free from the packaging and examined it in the stark phone light. It had tentacles!

“Madonna santa!” I hissed. “He knows.”

Somehow, that man in a mask had found my kindle library. He’d invaded my privacy and found my monster smut.

I wonder….

My pussy clenched again, and I realized I’d been ignoring the low throb between my legs. Now that I acknowledged the sensation, it pulsed with a wicked heat.

“No,” I snarled and chucked the toy across the room.

That was ssoooo not happening.

I flounced into bed, shutting off the light on my phone. I was going to ignore the needy little ache, get some more sleep, and then dispose of the gift—and the elf!—the moment I woke back up.

My legs rubbed together, and I rolled over with a groan. I wasn’t going to test it out. That was twisted. That was so wrong. That would inadvertently give into my done with men resolve.

Wait.

There was a low-pitched buzzing.

I pushed onto my elbow and looked over my shoulder. A purple glow shimmered on the worn area rug. The toy was on and it begged me to play.

I stared at it. I counted to ten in my head. A year with only my fingers for relief, and years of bad, obligatory sex before that left me desperate. Andy didn’t believe in toys. There would have been a huge fight if I’d bought one, and after he died, I was too broke to afford the luxury.

And there was a perfectly good one, a tempting, thick, and monstrous toy right freaking there.

With a snarl of frustration, I hopped out of bed, made sure the door was locked, which it was, and then grabbed the present off the floor. I meant to turn it off.

Or at least, that was what I told myself. I wasn’t giving into the ridiculous temptation.