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Cross My Heart

Page 31

by Darcy Archer

Happy that he still seemed keen on extending their day, Josh drove them about twenty minutes south and west in the direction of the Palomar Observatory, eventually parking in a small dirt lot at the base of a hiking trail.

“It’s just up this way.” Josh pointed to a narrow path leading up the mountainside.

They set off, making casual conversation as they hiked. The exertion felt good after spending so much time in the truck. About halfway up, the trees thinned out and they found themselves high above the valley, with views stretching for miles. Josh’s truck was a speck on the road below, dwarfed by the wide valley oaks hugging the slope.

Josh led Tyler off the main trail for another few minutes. “If you need a break, you say something.”

Tyler shook his head. “Are you kidding? This is heaven.” He drew up short and turned to Josh in confusion, because the winding dirt path ended abruptly at a rock face that hid something spectacular.

“Trust me.” Josh grinned and beckoned him, ducking under some low branches until they emerged in a rocky clearing. “This is it,” he announced, his voice barely above a whisper. “My secret spot as a kid.”

This view never failed to make him feel small in the best possible way.

Tyler turned in a slow circle, taking in the incredible panoramic view of the valley, Mesa Grande in the distance with Ocotillo Heights and even their hometown nestled farther to the west. “I… this is—I don’t have the words.”

Josh nodded. “Right?”

Tyler let out a low whistle as he took it all in. “Not too shabby, Joshua. Pretty effing terrific.”

Josh tipped his head. “Come here.” They sat on the edge, legs dangling over the cliffside, shoulders just barely touching. A comfortable silence settled between them. Josh snuck a glance at Tyler, his handsome face serene as he watched the sunset smear brilliant peach and gold across the horizon. His eyes were damp. “You okay?”

Tyler wiped his eyes roughly. “I’m so much better than okay. I’m great.”

Josh nodded, waiting for him to continue.

Tyler sighed. “I’m not sure I can go back,” he finally said.

“Home?”

“No.” Tyler kept his eyes on the orange horizon as he began to speak. “Can I tell you something?” he asked softly.

“Anything,” Josh replied. Inside, his heart beat faster.

“Lately I’ve been thinking about making a change. Something. Hard to explain. Can’t let fear run my life anymore, you know?” Tyler chuckled and glanced up at him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, my future. Whether football is even something I want to do anymore.”

Josh was too startled to respond.

Tyler let out a long exhale before continuing. “Eleven years in the league takes its toll. But it was always worth it, you know? The fame. The fans. The team.” His low voice took on a raw huskiness that made Josh ache. “But now? I’m not sure my body can handle the punishment. And even if it could….” He trailed off, brows bunched with worry.

Josh listened intently, trying to give Tyler space to wrestle with the turmoil on his face. “Should you take the punishment.”

“Exactly. Part of me would give up anything to get back out on that field again. I miss the team, the rush of it. But ever since the heart attack… I don’t know. Why? It just doesn’t seem as important anymore.”

“Choices.” Josh’s cheeks warmed, but he took a deep breath before continuing. “For what it’s worth, I get it. I’ve felt stuck here. Did I play things too safe? Never left home, never took a risk, never played to win.”

“Hardly.” Tyler counted off on his big fingers. “Students who love you. Cool job. No stalkers. Supportive community. Real roots. From where I’m sitting, you got the world by the tail.”

Josh snorted. “You make my life sound way cooler than it feels.”

“I’m scared of taking another hit, of risking my health again. I don’t want to die at thirty-five,” Tyler admitted. “But I’m also scared of walking away completely. Football has been my whole life since high school.”

“Of course it has.” Josh kept his gaze fixed on the reddening sky, heart thumping.

“I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe I already wanted a change. Even before the attack. I can’t remember now, but I think I did. Maybe it’s time to figure out who I am without football being my whole identity.”

“Wherever you end up, they’ll be lucky to have you,” Josh offered.

Tyler bumped his shoulder against Josh’s a second, then furrowed his brow. “I just don’t like going out this way, like a failure. After I blew it. On my knees eating dirt in front of the whole world. It’s one thing to go out a champion—”