Page 71

Josh just nodded. He felt oddly at peace and lighter somehow, as if an ax had been removed from his side, the wound sewn shut. Myra’s hateful words still echoed in his mind, but they didn’t have the same power over him they had. The horrible slithering numbness spread through him.

Carver mopped his brow with a handkerchief. “I’m so sorry, Josh. I’m going to have to write this up. You understand, right? It’s my fault. We should have had her escorted off the property as soon as we knew. This is on me. You need to get home. Let’s get you home. I can have someone cover practice for you. Elise should still be here. Vicky?”

Vicky nodded and dialed the phone.

Again Josh shook his foggy head. “I’m fine. Really. I got to go. I should go.” His feet moved toward the door.

Josh walked out to the parking lot, the last of the buses pulling away. A few stragglers pointed at him excitedly, probably recounting the story: “He told her.” He stood staring up at the brick façade of the high school, the place that had been his second home for almost two decades.

Worthless.

Now he didn’t know if he’d ever go back inside. His outburst might well have cost him his job. He leaned back against the bricks, wiping a sleeve over his hot eyes. He hadn’t realized his face was wet. He must have been crying in there. “Jesus.”

The unfairness of the entire ludicrous situation welled up in a bitter tide. He’d given so much to this place, this town, and for what? To be slandered and threatened for daring to stand up for what was right? The miracle was that he’d stayed calm enough to just say things. He’d never felt that kind of absolute rage. His hands still trembled with bottled violence.

He fished his phone from his pocket and dialed Tyler with shaking fingers. He wiped his eyes in frustration.

“Hey, Coach, what’s up?” Tyler’s voice was warm and comforting.

“Umm….” Josh struggled to find the words, emotion clogging his throat. His mouth felt gummy and raw. “Ty, I…. It’s pretty bad. Can you come get me?”

“Joshua. What happened? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Tyler’s tone sharpened with confusion and concern. “Talk to me.”

“Worthless.” He didn’t know how to start. “Somebody at school made up a bunch of crap about us to the Gazette.” Josh forced the words out.

“I’m so sorry. You called me, I just saw you tried calling me this morning, and I didn’t see it before. Oh man, I’m sorry. I was driving—”

“She didn’t accuse us of crimes, but she implied plenty and worse. Myra Waxman, she said a lot of awful things that the entire town has now read, which was the point.”

“It doesn’t matter, Josh. None of that matters. You’re okay. I’m coming right now. Can you find someone to wait with you?”

“There’s no one but you.”

“Waxman?” Tyler sounded pissed now. His voice went low and hoarse. “Bitch. Is she still there?”

“No. They put her on leave, but as they’re dragging her out, she said something really terrible. And I kind of lost it on her in front of, basically, everyone. Oh my God… I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I was already so upset because of— Anyways. And I think I might be fired. I think Carver will be forced to fire me. Umm. I’m not doing so great. I don’t know what to do. I just want to get home to you.”

“Don’t move, okay? Stay put. I’m on my way,” Tyler said instantly. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got you. Hey. We’re fine. You’re not getting fired from anything.”

The line went dead, and Josh braced against the bricks, his back against the building, and stared unseeing across the empty parking lot. He didn’t know how anything could be okay again. But he stayed put.

At least Tyler was coming.

Josh waited, watching the sun sink lower and the shadows creep across the asphalt. His stomach twisted into knots as he thought of facing Principal Carver again, or any of his coworkers. He dreaded looking for a new job and uprooting his whole life. He didn’t even know how to move somewhere new, to work somewhere strange. He’d trapped himself in this place out of complacency or cowardice. Worthless.

Most of all, he couldn’t bear dragging Tyler into this stupidity, not after everything Tyler had survived. For whatever reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about Tyler as a little boy swinging that belt. What was he supposed to do?

Overwhelmed, Josh stood frozen in the school parking lot, unable to look at the building he’d staggered out of. Exhaustion and regret swirled inside him as he thought of the danger he’d brought upon Tyler by trying to save the library.

Who cared? Why had he even bothered? Why did anything matter?

Students streamed out of the school, casting curious looks at Josh as he stood in the lot. As a teen he’d felt invisible, and now he felt like a pariah. He didn’t regret one word he’d said to Myra, but he knew Carver would file a report with the board. The end.

Alone and adrift, Josh felt stupid for trapping himself here in this small town. The only thing that shone through clearly was his fear of losing Tyler. Maybe he should just abandon his job and follow Tyler to San Diego. Tyler had made the offer more than once the past couple of weeks.

But what if their fledgling relationship couldn’t survive the pressure? Tyler didn’t need this trouble on top of everything else he’d be facing the next six months.

Josh knew this kind of thinking wasn’t safe or rational. Dark thoughts picked at him like crows until he finally turned and walked across the asphalt, all the way across the lot to the gate and then the road. Despair threatened to swallow him whole.