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Every year I spent the holidays with Gideon and his family and knew the drill, but Olivia Hendrix was born to be a boss. Clearly something she got from her father. With a smile I complied, and once that was done, I immediately swept the room in search of my dark-haired friend.

“He’s not here yet.” Penn sidled next to me and handed me a drink.

“Who?”

He rolled his eyes. “Right, like you weren’t searching for Alex.”

I sighed; it was pointless to argue. I’d been his shadow for the last year. “It would have been his anniversary two days ago. He locked himself in his house, wouldn’t let me in. I was going to break the door, but he’s so angry that I wouldn’t put it past him to shoot me.”

“Yeah, Gid drove down and tried to get him to open up. He wouldn’t.”

The last six months had been a nightmare. Gideon would get a hit on the Bratva; then Alex would storm in and act like a bull in a china shop. It had gotten so bad, Gideon had stopped informing him of the whereabouts of any Bratva and last month had ordered Alex to take time off.

Time off had consisted of him driving to anything remotely Russian and asking questions. Gideon was at his wit’s end, and I had been trying to keep Alex from killing anyone or getting himself killed. Then he’d walked into his house a few days ago and hadn’t left.

We knew he was in there and alive. Gideon had ordered Toni to slip into Alex’s home one day, when he’d known Alex wasn’t there, to install some cameras. It was merely to make sure Alex didn’t do anything to himself. Thanks to them, we’d been monitoring him.

“He spends the day blasting Mila’s favorite songs, drinking until he passes out, and crying,” Penn whispered so no one else could hear. I knew this because I had access to the feeds since I was on Alex watch all the time.

“Did he say he was coming today?’

Penn shrugged. “Gideon texted him, telling him to come here today, and all Alex said was, ‘Okay.’ ”

“I figured he might be here because I was watching the feed, and he did leave his house an hour ago.” I surveyed the room again, but he still wasn’t here.

“Maybe he had to pick up a gift.”

“On Christmas Day?” I cocked my head. “Penn, come on, what place is open today to do that?”

He opened his mouth to answer when Olivia’s voice rang out. “Merry Christmas, Alex!”

Penn and I turned to see him enter the room. He’d packed on even more muscle in the last few months, likely because if he wasn’t kicking the shit out of people for answers, he was at the gym. He was wearing nice jeans and a red sweater. He let Olivia drag him over to the tree, and he did in fact slip presents under it.

I observed him as he walked the room, never making eye contact for long, lots of nodding and very little talking. When his gaze met mine, I could see the struggle in those hazel eyes. He didn’t want to be here but knew that if he didn’t show, Gideon was going to bust into his house and drag him out.

My heart ached for him. I couldn’t imagine losing the love of my life. I knew Gideon best understood the pain since his wife had died suddenly in the backyard of their home. Here one second, gone the next. But the difference was, Ella’s death hadn’t been due to brutality. It had been a pulmonary embolism. Mila had been shot and killed on her wedding day for breaking a rule she hadn’t known she’d had to follow.

“Hey.” Penn patted Alex’s shoulder as he joined us.

“Hi, uh, Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah, you too.” Penn glanced at me, nodded, and left the two of us alone.

I swallowed down the rest of my drink and placed the empty tumbler on the table. “At the risk of getting punched, how are you?”

He snorted. “Any news?” He meant about the pakhan, of course.

“It’s Christmas, Alex. Gideon is focusing on his kids today. Ask him tomorrow.”

Alex gritted his teeth and even though his hands were in his pockets, I didn’t miss how he clenched them.

“It’s been a year since she died, Danny. Six months since he promised me I’d have the motherfucker’s head. All I have to show for it are a bunch of low-level Russians who didn’t know what I was talking about.” He spoke softly enough that no one could hear, but his body language didn’t go unnoticed. Gideon was watching.

I waved him off discreetly, letting him know I had it under control. “Do you think if Gideon had something, he’d keep it from you?”

He glared at me. “No.”

“And don’t you think he’s doing everything he can? Not just to find him, but to make it so that after the dust settles and you’ve gotten your vengeance, no one comes after you or his family?”