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Alex faced Gideon. “Find another way,” was all he said before he moved in front of Oleg.

He punched the knife into Oleg’s gut, twisted it, then began pulling it up. The sounds of flesh and bone tearing were enough to make anyone throw up. Maksim rushed out of the room, and Toni looked away.

By the time Alex brought the knife all the way to Oleg’s Adam’s apple, he was dead.

Alex stood, yanked out the knife, tossed it onto the tarp, and walked out the back door.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Alex

If my therapist had asked me what I’d felt in the moments leading up to killing Oleg I’d truthfully have answered that I didn’t know. At least, if I tried to explain it, I was positive she’d make sure I was locked up for the rest of my life. Gideon had told me she could be trusted, but everyone had their limits, and I was sure I could push hers.

I walked out of the house, my hands dripping with Oleg’s blood and the cold night air on my face, but I was calm. No, I was numb…no, I was something else. Killing him hadn’t given me relief or made me feel euphoria. It had just been inevitable.

Each person I’d introduced to death hadn’t filled any void in my mind or heart. It hadn’t brought Mila back or made me feel like she’d be proud of me. But something different had happened this time, and as I paced outside letting the cold bite at my skin, I tried to figure out what it was.

I wasn’t as numb as I usually was. There was a pressure in my chest, and it wasn’t the loss that always threatened to suffocate me; it was almost as if guilt were trying to slither through.

The creaking of the front door told me I wasn’t alone anymore, and I didn’t need to turn around to know Danny was there. I always had an inkling when he was near.

He didn’t say anything—he was just a presence in case I needed someone. My mind was spinning like a tornado. Why would I feel guilty for killing that Russian monster? He would have raped Mila to make her pregnant on Vladimir’s orders. That was horrendous.

I should have felt like I’d done good.

I should have felt relief.

Then it hit me, and I stopped pacing. Lifting my hands, I stared at the drying blood and fell to my knees. Danny was at my side in a second.

“What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I didn’t know how to say it. Voicing it made it alive, and that would be the moment I’d need to deal with it.

“Alex, it’s okay. Breathe, you’re fine.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t fine; nothing was.

“Let me go get a washcloth and you can clean up.” He went to leave but I stopped him.

“No.”

“Okay, I’ll stay. Tell me what you need.”

“She’d hate this,” I whispered, and I thought maybe he hadn’t heard, but he had.

“What would she hate?” Of course he didn’t have to ask me who I was talking about.

“Me. What I’ve become.” I held my hands in front of me. “I promised her.”

He gently held my face in the palms of his hands. “What promise?”

My eyes filled, and the words nearly choked me as I tried to get them out. “Not to become a monster.”

His gaze never left mine, and I found safety as I locked eyes with him. “You’re not a monster, Alex.”

“You don’t understand.”

He squeezed my face tighter. “Fine, help me understand it.”