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I shook my head before I pulled away from Vaughn’s arms. I pushed my hands toward the prep counter that I normally used, and everything I’d planned to make today was suddenly stacked there. “I need time to think,” I said. “I’ll be in touch.” I grabbed Vaughn’s hand and started walking.
“Lewis, you can’t just leave.”
I looked at Beau over my shoulder. “Yes, I can.” I walked out the back door, and if not for my mate, I would have collapsed in the snow. I found myself up in his arms, and then the waterworks started flowing. There was no stopping the tears. I was both frustrated and heartbroken. I just needed a little bit of time. I would have a good cry, Vaughn would discuss things with me, and then I’d go back to work with a clearer head. That was how things seemed to be anymore. My mate had obviously never had an emotional pregnant omega before, but without any issue, he had figured me out.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” Vaughn whispered before he kissed my forehead. I used magic, and we were suddenly home and in our back room, one of my favorite places. I didn’t much care for the view out the windows, but there wasn’t much that could be done unless we moved. “That answers that,” Vaughn said. He sat on the couch and held me while I cried. It was several minutes later that I finally felt ready to talk, and I pulled away enough to look up at him. “Want to discuss it? Was going back to work that difficult?”
I sighed, and after wiping my eyes and blowing my nose, I nodded but then quickly shook my head. Vaughn smiled at me. “It wasn’t, but then we started talking, and I’m probably not the best at relaying things right now. I basically told him that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue working full-time and that I really wanted to stay home with the baby and that I wanted more, and wanted to stay home with them, and then he went on about how I was here to help him and it was always our dream and I was supposed to stick to that and—”
Vaughn placed his finger over my lips. “Breathe, cutie.” He offered the sweetest smile. “You are absolutely allowed to change your mind from when you were a teenager. Most people do. But it is also possible that in a few months you will not want to stay home with the baby and you will want to go back to work, and that’s okay too. If you want to work, I’ll support that. If you wish to stay home, I’m all for that as well. You and I have already had this discussion many times.”
“I know,” I said as I nodded in agreement.
“Do you want me there with you when you talk to Beau again? It’s possible that you simply surprised him. I’m sure he’s going through a lot right at the moment, too, since he leaves Cooper at the daycare while he works, and he’s pregnant with his second.”
I took another deep breath and let it out slowly. “What set me off the most is that he had the opportunity to leave and come back when he’s ready. Why didn’t I get that option? Why is it all or nothing for me?”
Vaughn ran his fingers through my hair. “Cutie, I’m not sure you won’t. Have you talked to anyone from the council? Do they realize that you are back at work today?” I shook my head in response. “How about we go for a walk back toward Council Square, and you can come with me to the council building instead of going back to the bakery. We’ll get you your new badge that all enforcer mates get, allowing you into the building unescorted, and then we’ll hunt someone down, most likely Master Edison. I’m sure he can answer any and all questions you might have about your position at the bakery, and once you talk to him, we can go back and discuss things with Beau. Maybe you’ll be feeling better by then?”
This was one of the reasons why I loved this man so much. He was just…what word was I looking for? Sensible! He was just so rational about things that seemed overwhelming to me. He was calm and had answers for things that I couldn’t see at the moment. Then again, he wasn’t an overly emotional pregnant omega either.
“That sounds like that might be good,” I said. “You know I love to go for walks, and they’re even better with you. I probably should have gone with you this morning before going to the bakery anyway.”
“We could not have known what things would be like this morning, cutie. Don’t be too hard on yourself about any of this. You and Beau need to sit down and talk about what the two of you want for the bakery in the future, but I don’t see that as being a huge rush. Yes, you both are pregnant, but when the time comes for both of you to give birth, the bakery will still be there, and the council will ensure it has someone running it.”
I sighed again and looked up at Vaughn as we walked through our house toward the front door. “How is it that you seem to have a calm response to things? Why is it that I couldn’t think of that in the moment?” Vaughn held the door open for me, and once again, I went through it.
“It’s not necessarily that I have all of the answers, but I see things from a different perspective. You’re closely involved, and although things have changed for you very recently, not too long ago you were thinking much like Beau was. It will be difficult, but you need to try and think about things regarding the bakery from an outside perspective. Try to leave emotions out of it.”
I sent Vaughn a look that made him laugh. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“I’m sure not, at least not at the moment. Perhaps when you are further along in your pregnancy, your hormones will level out, and you will be able to separate yourself from it enough to do so. Until then, it might just be that you and Beau go separate ways for a bit.”
The thought of that was upsetting. I didn’t want to lose my bestie. “I can’t, Vaughn,” I said. “Beau and I…” I shook my head. “I can’t lose him just because I found my mate and I’m having a family too. That’s so unfair.”
Vaughn reached over and picked me up again. I was used to it by now, honestly. “That’s not what I meant, cutie. I only meant that maybe you and Beau need to go your separate ways in a professional working capacity for the time being.” He kissed my nose and then carefully set me back down on my feet. He took my hand again and started walking.
“Oh. Yeah, I could do that. But it seems like he doesn’t want that.” That made me so incredibly sad. I wanted my best friend in my life, but it was unfair that I had to continue working with him at the bakery full-time in order to have that.
“Despite everything, you have to remember something.” Vaughn stopped and turned toward me. “Only you can control who has what type of control over you and what you do or don’t do. Even as your mate, I can’t control what you do or don’t do. Beau doesn’t have that ability either because you are your own person. He might desire for you to continue working full-time at the bakery, but that’s only because he has always had you to do so. If you need or want time away, you take it. If the bakery is there for you when you are ready to return, then you return. If not, then it never was meant to be your path in life. At least, not completely.”
Vaughn squeezed my hands before he turned and started walking again. I fell into step with him, smiling at his much slower pace. “You’re right, again. Why can’t I think about these things? I just get emotional and eventually start crying.”
“Little mate, you’re pregnant. Your hormones aren’t your own right now. You need to allow for that. Right now, our little one is basically running the show.”
I thought about that for several minutes as we continued walking. He wasn’t wrong. Again, he was completely right. I was so much calmer and more rational before I became pregnant. My eyes widened briefly when I thought about my magic, but then I relaxed. I’d done okay with my magic. I’d not had any issues with it going sideways on me. But would it? Would my emotions be tied to it in some way, and would it end up becoming unpredictable?
The council building came into view, and I felt a sudden spike of anxiety for some reason. Vaughn absolutely sensed it because he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close under his arm instead of holding my hand. Before we could get to the council building though, my name was called out from the right. When I glanced in that direction, Evan and Beau were walking toward us. I pushed into Vaughn’s side. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I was still upset about what he’d said to me.
“I don’t want to talk, Beau.”
“I understand that. I just want to say I’m sorry,” he said. That was completely unexpected. “I’ll wait to talk when you’re ready, but I am sorry. Please don’t hate me and never talk to me again. I couldn’t live with that.”
I looked up at Vaughn, who smiled warmly at me. “We’ll do whatever it is that you want. If you’re ready to talk to Beau, I’ll be right here to offer support. If you’d like to go into the council building first, I’ll take you.”
That was such a hard decision. Beau was sorry, and I knew he was. I could feel it somehow. But I was still hurt, and I really didn’t want to say something in my overly emotional state that would damage our friendship more than it had already been hurt.
“I love you, Beau, and I always will because you’re family. But right now, I’m an overly emotional pregnant omega that cries without much provocation. I can’t do this right at the moment. I don’t want to say something I can’t take back.”