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The Reluctant Countess

Page 56

by Eloisa James

“You are entirely clear. You believe my children will be ashamed of me.” Pain seared her heart, but it was a familiar feeling. She straightened her back and put on a calm expression. “Due to my mother’s love life, or my own? That would be the love life that you assume I have had.”

A pulse throbbed in his forehead. “You must admit, Yasmin, that you have done nothing to dispel the incorrect assumptions of polite society as a whole. You dress in a flagrantly sensual manner, and you carry a condom in your reticule. Moreover, it has a weak catch. If the condom had spilled on the ballroom floor, it would have been your last ball. Even your grandfather could not overcome the scandal that would have ensued.”

“A crime,” Yasmin snapped. “I picked it up and admittedly, I forgot that it was in my purse. As I told you, it was not mine.”

“How could you possibly forget?” His voice wasn’t exactly scathing, but close.

“When I brought it home, I didn’t want my maid to see it,” she said stiffly. “Yesterday I snatched up that bag without thinking. So if the condom had been seen, and I had been judged unable to attend future balls, it would have been a miscarriage of justice.”

“But that miscarriage of justice would have occurred. Frankly, if you had handed Napoleon’s hat to the Dowager Duchess of Huntington, a similar scandal would have erupted. It’s as if you are thumbing your nose at society, Yasmin.”

“My friends would have stood by me. I would hope you know from my response yesterday that I do not cheerfully bed multiple men. Yet, you still have complaints about my conduct and my dress.”

She snatched her reticule from the settee. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll ask Duckworthy to summon a hackney.”

“Yasmin!”

She didn’t look at him, just headed across the room, head high. But at the door, she turned around. “I can tell you, Lord Lilford, that a life ruled by fear of a soiled reputation is no life at all. Perhaps you will find your perfect countess. I hope for your sake that she doesn’t have feet of clay.”

He was beside her, one hand braced against the closed door.

“Let me out!” she said hotly.

“I didn’t explain myself.”

Yasmin curled her lip. “Don’t you think that I’ve noticed this year, all last year, when you ignored my attempts to be funny, my attempts to be your friend, my stupid, stupid attempts to make you desire me?”

“I had to—”

“Bollocks!” she cried again, interrupting him. “No one made you behave in such a demeaning manner or look at me as if I were a fool. You chose to behave that way, Giles. You wanted me to feel small and improper.”

His face was white, his jaw set. “I did not want you to feel small. I would never want to hurt your feelings, Yasmin. I apologize.”

“Open the door.” She turned away from him and faced the door.

“Won’t you allow me to explain?”

“Why?” Despite herself, she looked back at him. “Don’t you see how wrong it would be for me, for my sense of self, to marry you? Of all the people in London, including those matrons who snub me, you made me feel the most belittled.” She dashed a tear from her eye.

“I didn’t mean to.” There was a harsh, desperate note in his voice.

She shook her head. “I allowed it to happen. I made myself vulnerable to your opinion, didn’t I? I cared what you thought, and that was beyond foolish. I shan’t make that mistake again. Yet I was always surprised.”

He shook his head. “By what?”

“Surprised that you wanted to dance with me. Surprised when you would sit beside me, even if you dismissed everything I had to say. Surprised that you allowed me to try to make you laugh.” She shook her head. “I suspect you were surprised too. You would have been much more comfortable if I had kept a distance.”

He didn’t answer.

“Wouldn’t you?”

Giles shook his head. “No. I forced myself to stay away from you.”

“You must have been shocked to find yourself on that settee yesterday,” she concluded, dark fury coursing through her. “How lucky you are that I have changed my mind and set you free. You and your sister will share the experience of sidestepping marriages with people whom you despise.”

She pulled at the door, so Giles moved his hand away.

“I don’t despise you. Please allow me to drive you home.”