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I cross my arms defensively. “I did. They moved away in the eighth grade right before I met you.”

At least I think I might have had a crush on them. Not at first, but after we became friends, which made the idea of it awkward. So I didn’t ever say anything.

I don’t think my brain works the same way as others. The idea of a casual hook up doesn’t sound appealing to me. At all. I don’t understand how you’re supposed to look at someone you barely know and decide you want to have sex with them. Maybe other people’s brains just skip a step; mine doesn’t. I probably wouldn’t even be able to get hard. I don’t even get hard watching pornos, I’ve tried it. All sorts. Male on female, female on female, male on male, nothing happens.

Lincoln calling me a monk stings a little, I won’t lie. That’s the part nobody seems to understand. I don’t hate sex. I’m not opposed to having it, someday. I’ve just never met anyone I’ve actually wanted to have it with. Which is why I’m still a virgin.

I mean, I do get aroused. I masturbate all the time—I mean…not all the time, but I get horny or bored or sometimes I can’t sleep if I don’t. But I don’t fantasize, not really. It’s more focusing on physical sensation and release than anything.

I slump deeper into my seat and pick at my sandwich. It sucks feeling like the people that know me the best don’t understand me.

FIVE

DANIEL

I'm at the rink and ready to practice before the sun's up. We have a few more weeks to mesh as a team.

Todd and Logan graduating and heading to the NHL really hit us. But Peter stepped up and took Todd's C. He tried to pin the A on me, but that's not for me.

I enjoy hockey, but it's not my life like it is for some of these guys. Blue Beauchamp is one hundred percent dedicated. I'm only playing because of my scholarship, which I will no longer have if I fail that class.

And I still haven't figured out that one. Double down on studying, I guess.

In between helping Luke out with his parents, hanging out with friends, my other classes, and hockey. Yeah. No big deal.

“Daniel, focus!” Blue smacks the ice with his stick as he glides past.

“I am.”

“The fuck you are. You missed that pass off. Do you need to get laid?”

I roll my eyes and skate around the net, heading back down the ice.

“Seriously,” he calls. “I know a few puck bunnies that have been so thirsty lately. I'll share.”

“Generous,” I say.

I don’t mention that if they are puck bunnies, me being the hockey player I am, wouldn't need him to ‘share’.

Blue snorts. “Just say the word, they will be waiting outside the locker room after practice.”

Peter’s whistle cuts the cold air. “Again. Blue, less talking, Daniel, catch the puck this time. Reed, if you stand there like a tourist I will make you skate laps until you remember what a winger is.”

Reed, freshman, goes scarlet and scrambles into position. Poor kid. Week two and Peter is already using him as a visual aid.

“Yeah, Danny,” Blue quips.

I glare at him. “Don’t call me Danny, asshole.”

Blue’s mouth ticks up, pleased he got under my skin. “Score and maybe I won’t.”

“That’s not how names work.”

“It is now.”

Peter slaps the boards. “Puck. If you two don’t shut up, I’m making both of you do Reed’s laps with him.”

“Yes, Cap,” I say.