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Chaos wasan endless pool that I waded in, unable to escape. Darkness closed in around me, and my limbs grew heavier with every movement. The pain didn’t register, only the ache in the middle of my chest.

“Fuck, it smells like bleach in here.” Gin’s voice echoed through the constant fog that surrounded me.

I continued to scrub the grooves between the tiles. My fingers had gone pruny, and I barely resisted the urge to cut the pads of my fingers off.

“Enzo,” Gin called.

I didn’t look up from what I was doing. If I continued to clean and move, then reality stayed far away. I could hold the little control I had over myself.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I went stiff. My stomach rolled. The tiny voice in the back of my head screamed for it to be removed.

“You have to stop this. If you aren’t out there looking for him, you’re in here cleaning.” Gin’s hold tightened as he tried to pull me up. “Shit, Enzo, this isn’t good. When was the last time you slept?”

Sleep?I couldn’t anymore. All I ever thought about was Tex. When I closed my eyes, I could see his big blue eyes glaring back at me. I could hear his soft laughter or the way he moaned when he was eating my cooking. No sleep for me; it only made the ache worse.

“Enzo!”

I stopped and sat up on my knees. Blinking, I looked up at my brother. My gaze stayed focused for a short second before I noticed the stack of books on the kitchen table. Standing up, I moved toward them and removed them from one surface over to the living room. Books were scattered everywhere, half on the shelf and the others in varying piles.

Bile burned the back of my throat as I stared at the cluttered mess. How have I forgotten to finish this?

“Shit, Enzo. I’ve never seen the place like this. You have to get out of here.”

“He might come back,” I said. It was my answer every time after searching for him for three days straight. Tex hadn’t been at his place or his family home. I’d even gotten information on his partner but nothing.

If it wasn’t for Gin, I would have walked directly into the precinct.

Gin growled. “You have to get your head together. Benito is only going to let so much slide.”

I don’t care.

“You either come willingly, or we can do it like old times.”

Gin cracked his knuckles, and I stared at his hands. They were just as bloody as mine.

I sighed and placed the books down. “Where are we going?” I had no desire to be tied up and tossed in the trunk. I wasn’t sixteen anymore. That shit wasn’t funny. Knowing Giancarlo, he’d drive around for a few extra hours just to make me suffer.

“Benito called for us.”

The bruises on my body were a testament to how angry my brother was with me, but I’d given him the same share of bruises. There was no way he was okay with how I’d defended Tex.

“Come on, stop thinking so damn hard. You know how Benito is. This is business.”

I nodded and headed for the door, but Gin stopped me.

“Shower and fresh clothes. Shit, if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were in love, and now your heart’s broken.” Gin started laughing as if it was the most absurd notion. and Maybe at one time, it had been.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

I went to the guest room and cleaned myself up. I hadn’t been able to go to my room without staring at my bed in disdain. There was a reason I never allowed people into my space, and I’d opened it up to Tex. I missed him. I even missed the bell jingling around Pen’s neck.

The drive to the club was nothing more than a blur. Everything was muted, and if I wasn’t focused, everything sounded as if it came through a thick filter, making it soft and warped.

Even stepping into the club wasn’t jarring. It was an annoyance but nothing I couldn’t handle. We made our way to Benito’s office, and each step felt like I was walking closer to a shark-infested tank. My brother wasn’t one to let shit go. I knew he was still angry about Tex, but it wasn’t something I was willing to roll over about either.

Gin opened the door, and we stepped through. Benito was sitting behind his desk, looking over paperwork. The moment we walked in, he looked up with no emotion displayed on his face as he gazed at me.

“Done chasing after the enemy?” Benito asked.