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“What’s the use of that?” Yudit asked.

“I have no idea. Someone must have needed it badly, though. It takes a massive amount of magic to create flaccid steel.” He waggled the enchanted weapon, making the blade swing from side to side.

“I’ll pass, thanks,” I said. “What else is there?”

The genius’s Storehouse of Wonders wasn’t a treasure vault so much as a cluttered, disorganized basement room. So far, it hadn’t provided much of use. Almost everything was made for a genius, and therefore too large for me. What remained was mostly trash. Worse than the completely nonmagical armaments that Gruoch had given us.

Those were at the bottom of the ocean now, so I had to take what I could get. I was hoping there might at least be a weapon with some reach, to negate the genius’s natural advantage.

We’d come across a few human-sized suits of armor. Unfortunately, all the better ones were battered and dented beyond repair. And covered in long-dried blood, which gave an indication of exactly how the genius had obtained them. After a lengthy search, I found a boiled-leather cuirass that wasn’t in bad shape. But the hunt for some magical treasure that would even my odds against the genius in single combat wasn’t going well.

“Here’s the Hatchet of Friendship!” the genius said as he dug a small axe out from under a box of holiday decorations. “Anyone you kill with it becomes your sworn ally. It’s where the phrase ‘bury the hatchet’ comes from.”

“Anyone I kill with it?” I asked.

“Yes, it…Oh. I see your point.” He tossed the Hatchet of Friendship aside. “Whoever made that one didn’t think it entirely through.”

The hatchet was still better than the Floppy Sword. It was probably more useful than most of the stuff we’d rejected. Some of the items he’d offered weren’t even weapons at all. I suspected those were traps meant to trick me into displaying femininity. Thus I’d turned up my nose at the Bubble Wand, the Veil of Tears, and the slimming yet sickening Girdle of Giant Stench. Not that any of those had sounded likely to turn the tide of battle.

“Hm…How about the Spear That Probably Won’t Break?” the genius asked. “Its power is fairly self-explanatory.”

I looked it over. It certainly had the reach I wanted. The spear was perhaps seven feet long, with wings at the base of the spearhead and a crossguard at the end of an extensive tang. The shaft was tapered wood wrapped in leather. A weapon designed for thrusting and parrying, on horseback or on foot. Probably useless for throwing, but if I was at the point where tossing my weapon away seemed like a good idea, I’d already lost the duel.

Besides, we’d gone through almost the whole of the Storehouse of Wonders by that point. I wasn’t likely to find anything better. It couldn’t explode my enemies at a touch, but at least the shaft wouldn’t shatter in my hands. Probably.

“I’ll take it,” I said.

“Wonderful!” The genius handed over the spear and sketched a quick bow. “Now we can proceed to the duel!”

“All right,” I replied. “But, um, let’s both remember it’s a friendly duel. We stop at the very first prick.”

“Indeed! And we shall see whose prick comes the fastest.”

I didn’t think he was trying to make a joke. “I…suppose you could put it that way.”

“Your sturdy spear will be measured against my massive sword! Which of us bears the most magnificent weapon?”

Still not joking. “Yes, let’s—”

“Best hope that magical shaft in your hands is potent!”

“Can we please go fight now?”

He led us to a grand ballroom, even more festooned with mirrors and chandeliers than the rest of the palace. The furniture had been pushed against the walls to leave space for the battle. I had no idea who or what had moved it out of the way, and I never found out.

I’d been the one to request that the proceedings take place indoors, ostensibly because it was beneath our dignity to flail around in the mud. In fact, it was because there was no way to keep Yudit at my side during the fight. I wanted to avoid any questions about sudden flower eruptions. The brass floor would serve well for the purpose.

Yudit had agreed to officiate, and was observing from a plush chair so large that her feet barely reached past the cushion. The genius and I took up our positions, facing each other across a distance that wasn’t nearly wide enough for my comfort. He drew his sword, a saber that was as long as my spear. Its edge looked wickedly sharp.

All I had to do was get in one decent jab. And survive.

“Begin!” my sister shouted.

The genius charged forward, closing the gap between us impossibly fast, his head-flame trailing behind him like a plume. He led with a savage overhand chop that immediately brought sliced melons back to mind. I blocked the blow with my spear, bracing it with both hands like a quarterstaff. True to its name, the spear wasn’t cloven in two, but the jolt when the sword connected threatened to break my wrists.

The genius followed with a flurry of strikes and stabs that whipped from one side to the other in a blur of steel. All I could do was parry and dodge.

“Remember that it’s a friendly duel,” Yudit said, sounding nervous. “Decapitation is frowned upon!”