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Luck. I would need all the courage and the luck I could get to get through this conversation with Miles. It was only a ten minute drive to the bodyguard school, not nearly enough time to prepare an upbeat speech that tells a guy he’s going to be a father. It wasn’t enough time to calm my racing heart or dry my sweaty palms either, but there the school was, big and beige and imposing as hell.
I took one deep breath and stepped out of my car as I let it out. Another to get me to the front door and one final one to step inside and scan the wide open area for a familiar crop of blond hair.
There.
I made it two steps before I lost my nerve, or rather it was stolen by a gorgeous woman with ebony hair and skintight clothes, ignoring all social agreements on personal space. She was smiling up at Miles like he was, well the delicious slice of man he was, putting out all the signals and based on the wide smile on his face, he was interested.
Very interested.
My survival instinct kicked in and I got the hell out of there, nearly knocking Liam over in my hurry to put as much distance between me and that cozy little scene as possible. “Hey, what’s the rush? Are you all right?” It was hard to look into Liam’s stern but undeniably worried face and hold on to my anger, but oh how I tried.
“I’m fine. Just remembered there’s something I need to do. How are you?” I took a step back, grateful he stopped me from falling after colliding with his massive chest, but needing space all the same.
His lips twitched. “I’m fine, Shannon. Do you want me to get Miles for you?”
“No! I mean, no, that won’t be necessary because I don’t have time to stay. I forgot I have to be somewhere else right now.” Anywhere else was more like it, but he didn’t need to know that.
“You sure?”
I nodded so hard and fast I neck muscles started to ache. “Yep. I’m fine. Totally fine. See you later, Liam.” My feet moved as fast as they could towards the door and when I made it to my car, I hit the gas like I was cruising down the 101 without a care in the world, except I was running. Fleeing from my problems like the coward Mara accused me of being.
Fine by me.
Okay, it was fine by me, not at all, but if he alternative was feeling the way I felt now, I’d take being a coward. By the time I made it back to my rental, I knew what I had to do.
Leave.
Not just the bodyguard school, but Pilgrim altogether. At least for a little while. Until I got my head on straight and figured out what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. This baby growing in my belly needed me to be better than a coward who ran at the first sign of trouble, and I really wanted to be better for my baby.
I had to be.
So I locked myself inside and sat down to write a letter to Miles, giving him all the pertinent information he would need to make an informed decision about our baby. Maybe it was the coward’s way out, but all that mattered was that he had the information to decide for himself.
I wrote the letter and then made arrangements to head back to California for a while before I called Mara. “If you think that’s for the best.” I heard the doubt in her voice but this time I was unshakeable.
“I do. It is.” I sighed. “I have to do this, Mara. And I need to check in with the other businesses too. I’ll be back. I promise.” There was never a question of whether or not I would return. Somehow, some way, I knew, Pilgrim was where I belonged.
“I know you will,” she said and I could hear the smile in her voice. “Safe travels.”
“Thanks.” My bags were packed and my flight was booked, there was just one thing left to do.
Drop off the letter in his mailbox.
Miles
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that a week had passed since my last interaction with Shannon, and still she hadn’t called. The only thing I could conclude from that was that she wasn’t ready to talk to me. Yet. I had faith that Shannon would come around, but I couldn’t be the one to keep chasing after her, to keep begging her to let me be there for her.
It had to be her choice.
Liam said she’d stopped by a few days ago and worse, she didn’t look very well, which worried me. But again, she had to want to share what was going on with me or else this friendship, or whatever it was, wouldn’t work. So I made the drive home, exhausted and distracted, with thoughts of Shannon clouding my mind. I wondered if she was at home, sick and alone, wishing she had someone to talk to, someone to support her through this tough time.
