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“Sure is. The doctor might tell you that it’s a little low, in fact.”
“Bless you for saying so, but I feel like I’ve gained fifty pounds this past month. I have all new jeans.”
The nurse laughed. “Maternity shopping is one of the blessings of being pregnant, don’t you know?” With a nod of her head, we formed a straight line in the narrow hall before we were led into a small examination room. “Your blood pressure is slightly elevated, but no cause for concern now. If you have any questions, ask the doctor,” she said and then she off, leaving us in the world’s most awkward silence.
Which I was determined to break. “You have to go through all of this every time you go?” She nodded. “And how often do you have to visit the doctor?”
“About once a month. They need to make sure the baby is growing properly, make sure we’re both in the right range of health each month.”
It seemed like a lot but Shannon didn’t seem bothered by it so I didn’t want to give her a complex about it. I should have though, because we fell into another tense silence. “Sorry I haven’t called over the past few days, but things are busy at work right now.” STA was growing faster than we had anticipated and we were determined to make the most of it.
Shannon looked up, her green eyes looked like gems against her pale skin, her freckles more pronounced than ever, and shrugged. “It’s all right, Miles. You have a busy life. I understand.”
For some reason I couldn’t explain her answer just pissed me off even more. “I don’t want you to understand, dammit. I want you to be angry about it, pissed off that I left you hanging for four days.” Why was she so determined to handle this all in quiet suffering?
“I am upset, Miles,” she said, her voice lethally calm and just as low. “But what good would that do? What do I stand to gain by requesting time that I’m not entitled to? You were busy, if you weren’t, I assume you would have called.”
“Of course, I would have.”
She shrugged. “Then what’s the problem? You want me to be upset. Why?”
“I don’t want you to be upset, Shannon, but it would be nice to know how you felt.”
All of the air felt like it had been sucked out of the room as she leveled me with a look that turned her face pink, narrowed her green gaze to slits. “You want to know how I feel, Miles? I’m in love with you. That’s how I feel, you dummy.” She crossed her arms as if she was angry about her feelings and turned her gaze towards the window overlooking the parking lot below.
“Shannon…” I began, but the doctor chose that moment to walk into the exam room.
“Good afternoon, Shannon. And partner,” he said in surprise. “How are we feeling today?”
“Good. The nausea seems to only come around first thing in the morning and then I can eat breakfast free and clear. I’m still tired around nine each night, but I own a bakery so that’s a pretty good rest.” As she spoke, I felt like an outsider. Why didn’t I know any of this?
“That’s normal. In another month or so the nausea should disappear altogether. Any swelling or discomfort?”
“Some, but nothing to complain about really.” On and on they went, back and forth on the state of Shannon’s pregnancy, without one word of input from me.
The father.
I sat behind Shannon during a quick exam, feeling useless and wondering why she even invited me in the first place. I was uncomfortable and angry, irrationally angry. “Now we’ll get to the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. If we’re lucky, we might even get a peek at the gender of your baby.”
“Really?” She gasped out the word, the wide eyed wonder in her voice, brought a smile to the silver-haired doctor’s face. “I thought it was too soon for that?”
“Depends on how shy the baby is feeling when we get the camera out.” At her excited nod, the doctor got busy with the giant white wand and the blue jelly, before he smiled up at the both of us. “Ready, Mom and Dad?”
“Totally,” Shannon said, flashing a wide smile at the doctor, barely noticing my silence. Not that I wasn’t excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat, who even knew shit like that was possible?
A minute or two later and a weird glug-glug sound tore through the air. Shannon gasped and unconsciously reached for my hand, before realizing what she was doing and pulling away. “Pretty amazing, huh?” He smiled up at Shannon who was nodding enthusiastically.
“Is it supposed to be that fast?”
“Yep, means you’ve got a strong baby with a healthy heart.”
“Oh, really Dr. Hanson? You mean it?”
