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He stood on the doorstep looking gorgeous and rumpled, wearing a bright wide smile as if things weren’t totally screwed up between us. Like I hadn’t said I loved him and he’d acted as if I told him I had a communicable disease. I should have known things wouldn’t be able to go back to normal, but silly me, I thought we could be adults about all this. “Hey. I brought dinner.”
My hands clenched into fists before relaxing at my sides, a sign of just how torn I was. On the one hand, I really wanted to send him away for being presumptuous, for showing up when I told him I was busy. On the other hand, I wanted to spend time with him. Badly. “What did you bring?” I missed Miles something fierce and if we could have one normal meal together again, maybe we could have another.
“Oh, not much. Just some barbecue, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes and biscuits.” He flashed a confident smile because he knew that would be his ticket inside. “Well?”
“Fine, come on in.” I stepped back and waved him inside, making sure to keep a few feet of distance between us. As long as we didn’t touch and I didn’t get a whiff of his intoxicating scent, things would be okay.
Totally okay.
Silence returned as we both busied ourselves in the kitchen, Miles removing the delicious smelling food from the takeout containers while I grabbed dishes and drinkware for a nice, civilized dinner between friends and co-parents. “So Miles, what brings you by?”
He sighed heavily and turned to me. “I’ve missed you, Shannon. Things aren’t the same without hearing your laugh every day. Life is kind of bland without you.”
It wasn’t the compliment I was going for, but it was one hell of a compliment anyway. “I’ve missed you too, but what are you doing here, really? I told you I had work to do.”
He nodded. “You did, and you’re pregnant which means that you and the baby need to eat. I’m here to make sure that happens.”
It was thoughtful, in a way, if also presumptuous as hell. “I’m perfectly capable of feeding myself, Miles. But I appreciate the thought.”
“I know you are, but this is something I can do for you. It’s something I want to do, Shannon.”
I nodded and took a seat across from him, digging into the food with a happy sigh. “This is good.”
“Very good,” he said and I cringed inwardly at the awkwardness between us. “How have you been, Shannon?”
“Good. Busy getting this place in order and checking in remotely with the other businesses.” This small talk was excruciating but it had to be done. I had to endure it because we needed to be able to spend time together, to be in the same room without falling apart. “How are things at the bodyguard school?”
“Good. Really good, actually. We’re booked through the next five months and getting more interest every day. It’s exhausting but rewarding.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
Silence fell between us again, the awkward, stilted conversation seemed to be as awful for him as it was for me. “Have you talked to your father recently?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, thinking back to our last conversation. “He knows about the baby and he wants me to come back to Philly.”
“Will you?”
I stared at him. “No. What do you think this house is, just a real estate investment? No, I bought this house to raise my baby in because I can and I will do this on my own. With your help, if that’s what you decide you want.” I added the last part to let Miles know that he still had an out if he wanted one, because if he didn’t want to be around then I didn’t want him to be.
“That is absolutely what I want, Shannon.”
His words seemed sincere and I chose to believe him. His feelings could change at any moment so I was determined to make sure I could do it all on my own if that’s what it came down to. Miles wasn’t a bad guy, I knew that, but he’s been so hands-off that it’s hard to believe he wants to be around because he’s doing an imitation of what he thinks an expectant father should act like. “Okay.”
“You sure you’re not considering going back east?”
“I’m sure. I already considered it and I chose Pilgrim, for my own reasons. I’m making a home here for me and the baby, no matter what you ultimately decide to do.”
“I already told you that I wanted to be here. That I want to be involved, Shannon.” He shook his head. “But you’re shutting me out at every damn turn.”
“I’m not shutting you out, but I refuse to force you to be interested when you clearly aren’t. I believe you when you say you want to be involved, but your actions don’t hold true.”
