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“Did you feed him?”
“He wasn’t into it. His diaper is clean too.”
I eyed the tall crib with bars that almost reminded me of a prison cell. “Does he sleep with Catherine at home?”
“Oh…I don’t know.”
“I bet he does. That’s why he doesn’t like it in here.”
“Oh…” He stopped rocking and stared down at Ryan. “Is that the problem, Ryan?” He looked at me. “We could give it a try…if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course.”
He got to his feet, in just his boxers and nothing else, his strong arms holding his son like he was weightless, his bare chest carved and hard, emitting a special kind of warmth that probably lulled Ryan to sleep.
It was pretty hot, seeing him like that…holding this really cute baby who was identical to him.
We went back into the bedroom, and Dex placed Ryan in the center of the bed before he got under the covers. I moved to the opposite side and turned to look at the kid between us, the person who stopped Dex and me from snuggling and falling back asleep. This was exactly what Ryan wanted because he gave a cute yawn before he fell right to sleep.
Dex watched him for a while before he looked at me. “You were right.”
“Well, I love to sleep with you, so he probably does too.”
I spent the weekend with Dex and Ryan, and instead of lounging around the house, we took care of every need Ryan had. He needed to be fed, changed, given a bath, entertained, it went on and on. There were nap times throughout the day, and that was the only time we had some time to ourselves. The apartment was a mess, but we decided to leave it for housekeeping.
The weekend came and went, and then it was time to return Ryan to his mother.
I could tell Dex hated that part, because he was noticeably sad as he packed up Ryan’s things. He got him dressed in his bedroom, getting his onesie on and putting on a pair of shoes and a light jacket.
I watched him from the doorway.
“Okay, Little Dude…it’s time for you to go back to Mama’s.”
“Mama?” he asked.
“Yep.” He gave him a gentle tickle. “But I’ve loved hanging out with you. Hopefully, we can do it again soon.” He kissed him on the forehead and grabbed his bag off the chair. When he turned to face me, his eyes were lifeless, as if he were saying goodbye forever.
It was heartbreaking.
We left his apartment and walked to Catherine’s, which was only a few blocks away, and then brought Ryan to the front door.
I thought I should just step aside, but Dex insisted I belonged there. He never allowed me to be excluded, even though that was probably exactly what she wanted.
Catherine opened the door and immediately enveloped Ryan, on the verge of tears. “My baby…I missed you so much.” She took him from Dex and brought him close, squeezing him tight, short of an emotional breakdown. “I’ve never been away from you this long.” She swayed him from side to side, holding him close. Then she looked at Dex. “How was he?”
“Perfect.” Dex watched them together, sadness in his eyes. “Kept us up all night on Friday, but once we figured out he wanted to sleep with us, it was smooth sailing.”
Catherine’s eyes immediately flicked to me with a jolt of anger, like it made her uncomfortable that I’d slept next to her son. She looked at Dex again like it never happened. “He’s a pretty easy baby.”
Dex set the bag on the couch. “Well, let me know when I can have him again.”
“I will.” Catherine came closer to him so Dex could say goodbye.
“I’ll see you soon, Little Dude.” He squeezed his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Love you.”
The look Catherine gave him said it all, that this was exactly what she wanted, for the three of them to be a family, to do this every single day, to be with the man she’d made this beautiful baby with.
And I was the reason that hadn’t happened. It made me feel like shit.
“On Thursday, I have this big meeting, and my mom is having a procedure done and the nanny is taking her since I can’t,” Catherine said. “Could you watch him for a couple hours?”
“Uh…” Dex stared at Ryan as he tried to process her request. “I’m seeing patients that day in the office. But yeah, I can make that work. Just drop him off, and he’ll be my little helper for the day.”
“Okay, great,” she said. “Say bye to Daddy.”
Ryan waved, his pudgy fingers jerking open and closed.
He inhaled a deep sigh as he walked away, his shoulders drooping, his entire visage different. It was the same look he wore when he lost a patient on the table, like he wouldn’t be able to get over it for a very long time.
